April Fools Day
by Titania Took
Summary: Being a work of pure crack, of truly epic proportions, set around April Fool's Day on the Starship Enterprise, starring bodyswaps, lots of tribbles, and ewil crossover-vortexes of doom.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This fateful story began, as many things seem to do, one French lesson (this is probably because Kat and Molly sit next to each other in those, and crazy things happen. It began as the short, innocent little nine-word message you see below, and has now accidentally turned into an over 50-page long, over 13,000 words (and still growing scarily rapidly) email that has been sent between us over the past few months.**

**The first few chapters (each one an email written alternately by one of us) will be posted all at once, so you can really get into the thick of things, and then they will be posted one every couple of days, depending on what you (the kind people who review) want, with the exception of when we are on holiday, as then it will be kinda difficult, as we have no internet. But it should be a very long time that way before we run out of stuff to post.**

**Ensigns Richards the Elder (Kat) and Tang (Molly), are us, and characters you may recognise from Pancakes, which I recommend you visit, the moment you have finished reading this. It is marginally less cracky, but not by that much.**

**All shall be explained later, and honest, it gets better once we get further in and end up with tribbles, characters switching bodies, evil crossover vortexes of doom, and all the awesomeness yet to come.**

**DISCLAIMER (which shall last for the whole story, or else): anything you recognise probably isn't ours. We each own a tribble, a bed, lots of fluffy toys, and some share of a computer, but that is about it. Honestly, does Star Trek look as though we wrote it (hint: look at the style of this, i.e. no).**

...

**And so, we present, as written by Molly, the beginning:**

...

We hawe located the Klingons, Keptin! Nuclear Wessels, attack!

...

**Yes, that's all it started with. And then Kat replied, and it grew, and grew, and grew, and is still growing...**

**But yes. Onto the next chapter...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2, by Kat**

...

Honestly, Ensign Tang, it's the self-destructing exploding/spontaneously combusting red-shirt rubber ducks armed with tribbles that we send. Disgraceful work! Off the bridge this instant! You dont get to fire the guns anymore! Back to engineering with you, silly red shirt! And stop trying to pretend to be Chekov! He wears a yellow one! Kat out.

Spock: "Ensign Kat, the same applies to you too, you know. Stop trying to pretend to be Kirk. He wears a yellow shirt instead of a blue one."

Kat: "But were all meant to be colour-blind! That's why all the ensigns wear red shirts, 'cause they dont know they're red!"

Spock: "Stop being illogical, and get off of the bridge and back to the science department. And what did you do with the real Kirk?"

Kat: "But-"

*Nerve pinches*

Scotty: "Molly. Go away, and find Kirk. I think he's in a broom closet somewhere. Take a gag with you."

...

**It makes more sense in the next few chapters...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3, a la Molly**

...

Molly: "*Sniff* Just because I'm colour-blind, and anyway, who else is going to shout "nuclear wessels, attack!"? Chekov is on holiday in Russia!"

*Kat wakes up* "Just in case you were wondering, I put Kirk out of the airlock, he was about to start singing."*Kat gets nerve-pinched*


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4, as written by Kat**

...

*Kat wakes up again in birgg (it was labelled by Kirk while he was still high on marijuana after d of e)*

"Hey! Let me out of here! It was only April fool's day!"

Spock: "Ensign Kat, it is the 8th of March"

Kat: "But my watch says it's the 1st of April!"

Chekov: "And mine says it's the 8th! That's why I told Molly I was on holiday in Russia last week!"

Molly: "Mine says 1st."

*Kirk walks down corridor, having escaped from the broom closet, but realising that telling everyone about his dreams would result in getting nerve-pinched again* "Ah, well, I may have accidentally reset everyone's watches last april fools day. It's actually the 10th of March."

Kat: "But I reset yours the April fool's day before that... and I can't remember by how much..."

All: "Oh dear..."


	5. Chapter 5

**And now the real excitement begins... We present to you, Chapter 5, by Molly, and because there is such a cliff-hanger, you must wait for torrow for the next part. Unless of course, you review, in which case I shall post it the moment I spot one.**

**...**

*Scotty enters covered head to foot in glue-covered apple peel* "WHO DID THIS?"

Kat: "That was me; I put April fools things everywhere, only I've forgotten where a lot of them are because of ALL THAT NERVE-PINCHING!" *gets nerve-pinched again*

Chekov: "Does this mean we don't know where and of the other tricks are? You idiot Spock! Kat could hawe told us!"

Spock: "Oops..."

...

It **gets better. But we would like very muchly to know if anyone actually reads this, and so, please send a review with a little smiley face saying "this is awesomesauce", and then we shall be very happy, even when Kat is bored in french lessons because Molly has now given it up. Bad Molly. But yes. Review. S'il vous plait?**


	6. Chapter 6

**You wonderful reviewers are wonderful! And awesomesauce! And now I can prove to Molly that I am not the only person in the world who says it! Thank you very muchly.**

**But now for the long awaited Chapter 6, by Kat.**

...

*Pancake falls on Spock's head and he starts screaming about his ruined hair*

"IT TOOK ME THREE HOURS TO WASH, BRUSH AND SHOE POLISH THIS!"

*Molly looks shocked. Chekov starts laughing. Kat wakes up when a bucket of water falls on her head, and starts ruinning round insanely yelling as it is stuck on her head*

Kat: "Argh! I can't see! Where is everyone! This water is cold! And wet..." *Kat trips over Spock, runs into a wall, and is knocked out again. Kirk starts tap-dancing on the captain's chair, having changed into one of his favourite pink tutus*

Molly: "Argh! No! Dont do that!"

Kirk: "Why not?"

Molly: "Because I set it to explode feathers and drop an ice-cream into the pile of tribbles when someone sat on it."

All: "Oops"

Kat: *wakes up* "Did someone mention ice-cream?"

...

**Expect the next chapter somepoint tomorrow. Until then, live long and proper.**

**P.S. Reviews, as always, are greatly appreciated, and feed the crack. Press the button! You know you want to!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Et, maintenant, on vous presente, Chapter numero sept, par Molly.**

**(very sorry for the terrible French grammar. Hopefully the English is better. I just felt like adding some variety.)**

...

*Several buckets of half-melted ice-cream fall on top of Kirk, who starts shouting.*

"NOOO! THE TUTU! IT'S RUINED!"

*He is distracted as a single tribble hang-glides out of a trapdoor in the roof and lands on his head, immediately exploding into a lot of tribbles. Kirk screams and disappears. Spock laughs at Kirk. Kirk reappears and throws a tribble at him, which lands on his pancake-covered head. Kat wakes up.*

Kat: "tribble tsunami!"

Chekov: "did you know that tsunamis are a Russian inwen..."

*He is cut off by the tidal wave of tribbles as yet more ice-cream falls from the ceiling."

Scotty: "how much ice-cream did you put up there?"

Molly: "I dont know, I lost count after the first few truckfuls."

*Kirk opens the door to the birgg and everyone falls out, closing the door behind them. The tribbles are sealed in.*

Spock: "Alright, can anyone remember any other April fool's day traps that they set up?"

Chekov: "Uhh... I think I set one up in this corridor... I can't remember too well..."

*Everyone looks around and sees that Molly has disappeared.*

Chekov: "I think it was a trapdoor leading to the rubber duck cupboard..."

*Spock groans and starts trying to get the pancake out of his hair, while Kirk sits in a corner grieving the loss of his tutu.*

...

**Reviews are as always, wery welcome (Chekov is looking incredibly cute, and telling you to review).**

**As an entirely optional template for those of you with no idea what to say to all this crack, I present Kat's review:**

**Favourite character to appear in this chapter:** SPOCK!

**As many smiley faces of as many different varieties as you feel like:** :) :) :) :) (and so on...)

**Yay, awesomesauce, or anything else meaning approximately the same thing, that you like to say, e.g. yayness, awesome, etc:** Awesomesauce

**signed, INSERT NAME HERE:** Kat. xxx.

**Or, you can use the one from chapter 5, or you can use your imagination! All are accepted. :)**

**Kat out.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Und Heute, haben Sie Chapter nummer acht, bei Katya.**

**(see above for my failed attempt at introducing this chapter in german. Also, Molly says hi, and has left comments on the review board)**

...

*Molly crawls out of hole in ceiling, realises which way round gravity is working, and falls to the floor with a loud thud, underneath a pile of rubber ducks of various colours*

Molly: "Ouch"

Molly: "Where am i?"

Molly: "Ouch"

Scotty: "That's where my rubber ducks got to!"

*Chekov tries, and fails to look inconspicuous*

Kat: "See Molly, that's what you get for wearing a red shirt."

Molly: "But it's not a red shirt. It's a red dress."

Kat: "And that is why you are still alive"

*Molly glares. Chekov whistles innocently. Molly throws a tribble at him just as Scotty grabs some pancake from Spock's hair (much to the Vulcan's annoyance) and throws it at him*

Tribble upon colliding with pancake: "Poof. ***explode***"

Everyone else: "Not again... how many times have we told you not to feed the tribbles?"

...

**Red-shirts always die...**

**Every time you do not review, somewhere a red-shirt dies! Imagine what would happen if that was Molly! Therefore, review. You can even pick what language I should try and do tomorrow's introduction in.**

**LLAP,**

**Kat out.**

**xxx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Stephanie the Tribble (a kind but anonymous reviewer, who I thank here, along with all the rest of you) asked that I write the introduction in Russian, Wulcan (Sorry. The Russian accent kicks in at random), or Surfer Dude. Unfortunately, I do not speak much Russian, most of the Vulcan I know comes from Amok Time, and my Surfer Dude isn't up to much. Fortunately, I have Chekov to help me, with the aid of Babelfish, and so we present:**

**Chekov: Да тепе́рь, глава́ девя́тка, это Molly.  
****(And now, Chapter Nine, by Molly, for those of you who don't speak Russian, or do but I have gotten it completely wrong).**

* * *

*Everyone falls into trapdoor, the tribbles build a ladder, and all the tribbles climb out, locking trapdoor behind them.*

Chekov: "Well done Molly, you fell in here and now were all stuck!"

Kat: "You put the trapdoor here Chekov!"

Chekov: "..."

Molly: "I have ice-cream on my dress..."

Spock: "It'll take hours to get this pancake out of my hair!"

Kirk: "My tutu is ruined!" *starts to cry*

*Scotty hits Kirk on the head with a Spock-shaped rubber duck. The duck shouts "illogical!" and runs off to hide in a corner.*

Spock: "I think I have found a way out!"

Chekov: "Don't push that button!"

*Spock pushes button*

* * *

**Once again, I repeat, Reviews are wonderful things. Tomorrow, Spock is going to attempt to talk to you in Vulcan, but put in your requests for other languages. Also, your opinions on how to pronounce 'Hawe'. And any Vulcan you know other than Pon Farr, or that is all he might be saying as I'm not sure if Babelfish has an English-Vulcan section. And he may be very annoyed at this. But anyway.**

**Press the button! You know you want to!**

**:)**

**Kat out.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Kat: And now, we reveal what happened when Spock pressed the button, with an introduction by Spock himself, in Vulcan!**

**Spock: No. I refuse to read this script. It is illogical.**

**Kat: But Spocky!**

**Spock: No.**

**Molly: Noooo. Nooooo. Do you want me to throw the ducky cup at you?**

**Spock: Argh! No! Not the ducky cup! Ummm… Af'tum Pon Farr T'hy'la … What is this script? Why am I talking like this to a kitchen?**

**Kat: I can do a few insults in Vulcan too. But you wouldn't like them. And that's about it for my knowledge.**

**Spock: I am going to find an internet translator, so I can say something that does not involve declaring my undying love to a kitchen.**

**Kat: Fine.**

**Spock: Heh i'na'Chapter lehkuh, k'Kat.**

**Molly: What does that mean?**

**Kat: I do not know. I don't think there are any kitchens involved though.**

**Molly: Oh well. Anyway. Onto the story. Here is Chapter 10, by Kat.**

…

*Spock starts tap dancing*

Spock: No! Where is my tutu?

Kirk: Argh! I'm wearing a tutu? What the...

Molly: Argh! No! A red dress! I'm doomed!

Kat: Why am I wearing a blue shirt? I don't like blue! I like red!

Kirk: there is only one logical conclusion to come to. We have all switched bodies. It would be preferable if we could find a way to rectify this situation as soon as possible or at least get me out of this dress and into some more appropriate attire. Why do you insist on wearing these tutus anyway captain?

Spock, sobbing: My tutu! You are wearing my tutu...

Molly: So I'm stuck in Molly's body, and she's stuck in mine.

Kat: Yup. I don't like it much.

Molly: Hey! At least I don't normally wear a shirt that'll get me killed!

Chekov: Stop fighting, you two! Now, how did ye manage to do this, laddie, and how do we switch us all back again?

Scotty: Umm... it wasn't actually me, although body-switching devices were a Russian invention- argh! How did I say that! Nuclear vessels! No! We must sort this out immediately before I insult our beloved Russia even more! Argh!

Chekov: So who was it? Come on, own up!

Kat: There's a tiny chance that it possibly might have been me?

Chekov: Ye sure about that? Ye must be the most useless ensign in the whole of the engineering department, so I don't know how ye managed that.

Kat: Ok, well maybe it wasn't me.

Chekov: So who was it? Chekow?

Scotty: Ummm... well...

…

**The ducky cup is the ultimate threat, invented on DofE, that fateful place where many things were invented, many of which will be referenced in later chapters. (There were five incredibly crazy people stuck together for an entire weekend walking many many miles carrying incredibly heavy rucksacks, and the only thing we could do to keep ourselves sane (well not exactly sane. That would be impossible. To keep ourselves from suicide would be more accurate) was to tell crazy stories. And so much craziness was born). Only Molly can do the ducky cup voice right, and it is kinda hard to type.**

**Until tomorrow, there isn't much of a cliff-hanger, only the question of whodunnit. But that is no excuse not to review! Reviews are like cake… they taste good, and make you hyper!**

**Spock: No. I will not say it.**

**Kat: Do you want me to make you say it in Vulcan instead?**

**Molly: DO you want me to throw the ducky cup at you?**

**Spock: No! Fine. I will do it. It is logical to review. There.**

**Kat: See! Spock tells you to review too!**

**Also, remember to always use lemon formation.**

**:)**

**Kat out.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Ok wonderful people of the vast internet. We have terrible news. We have not died, but it is almost as bad. Kat is off to guide camp this afternoon (armed with the ducky cup), and will have no internet access (which will probably mean she will be dead by the end of the week), which means no more updates until Friday. The good news is, you have four, FOUR chapters now to tide you over! Tell us this is good news! (Preferably in a review).**

**So yes. Chapter 11, by Molly.**

…

*No-one says anything*

Molly: Actually it could have been me, only I forgot with all the nerve-pinching.

*Kirk attempts to nerve-pinch Molly*

Kirk: What? No! I can't nerve-pinch people when I am Kirk!

Spock: Yay! Spock can't stop me hugging him anymore! *hugs Kirk*

Kirk: Get off me! *Spock keeps hugging Kirk* I hate being Kirk...

*Spock stops hugging Kirk*

Spock: Wait, if Spock cant nerve-pinch people when he's me, does that mean I can nerve-pinch people? *pinches Molly*

Molly: Ouch!

Kirk: It only works if you know where and how to pinch.

Spock: Hmm... *starts pinching Molly randomly*

Molly: Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Stop it! Ouch. *punches Spock in face. Spock starts bleeding.*

Spock: Ouch. *pinches Molly again*

Molly: Stop it! *punches Spock again. Spock passes out.*

Scotty: Stop hitting each other. Now we have (ah!) to carry Kirk/Spock around.

Kat: But were stuck in the rubber duck cupboard!

Chekov: Doesn't this thing hawe a door? (I hate this accent.)

Kirk: The tribbles locked it.

Kirk duck: Illogical!

*Spock duck comes out of corner and starts doing the can-can.*

*Kirk picks up Kirk duck.*

Kirk: Fascinating. It appears that the ducks have changed personalities as well.

Kirk duck: Your logic is flawless.

Kirk & Kirk duck: I think I like you.

Everyone: ***gasp*** Spock has emotions now! Illogical!

*Kirk and Kirk duck glare*

…

**To the next chapter…**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12, by Kat**

…

Kat: Hey! I've found a large stash of Saurian Brandy!

Everyone: Yay! Alcohol!

Scotty: I prefer Vodka.

Chekov: Nay, laddie. Wodka, that's water where I come from. Now Scotch, that's a real drink for a man.

Scotty: Scotch? It was invented by a little old lady in Leningrad.

Chekov and Scotty: I hate this accent!

Bones: *opens door* Did someone mention my secret stash of Saurian Brandy?

Molly: *gulps down large swig from bottle* Yup. Why?

Bones: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a provider of free alcohol! Everyone, give that back this instant!

Everyone: Meh. *reluctantly puts down bottles they have been holding*

Bones: Oooh! The hobgoblin's unconscious!

Kirk, still stroking Kirk rubber duck: On the contrary, doctor, the Captain and I have switched bodies, so it is him that is lying unconscious on the floor, and not me.

*Bones glares and stabs Kirk with random hypospray* Dammit Jim!

Molly: Well, as the door is now open, can we please all get out please and sort out the whole returning to our bodies thing somewhere where we're not likely to become once more permanently trapped in the rubber duck cupboard?

Everyone else: Sounds like a good plan to me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13, by Molly**

…

*Everyone climbs out of door and locks it*

Kat: Wait a minute, we're missing someone!

Kirk: *still stroking Kirk duck* What do you mean, no-one's missing.

Kat: Where's Kirk?

Kirk: Do we have to take him?

Kat: If we don't then when we become ourselves again, you will be locked in the rubber duck cupboard again.

Kirk: ***sighs*** If we have to.

*Loud shouts of "Where did everybody go?" and a series of thuds come from the cupboard.*

Molly: It sounds like he's woken up.

*Scotty opens the door and Spock falls out.*

Spock: Ouch. Again.

*Kirk grabs the Spock duck, which is still dancing and throws it at Spock.*

Kirk: Keep it safe until we become ourselves.

*Spock and Spock duck start doing a synchronised routine from Swan Lake.*

Kirk: ***groans*** Let's all go to the science labs; there may be something there which can help us.

Spock: Can I dance on the way?

Kirk: No.

*Spock continues dancing anyway*

*They arrive at the science labs, Spock starts doing a can-can on the tables and Molly knocks over a row of test tubes. Kat picks up two test tubes from the end before they fall over; looks at them for a second wondering what would happen if she mixed them together, and mixes them. They explode.*

Spock: *singing very out of tune* Can-can!

Molly: Ouch. My elbow!

Kat: ARGGHH!

*Kirk sighs and put the Kirk duck on one of the tables. The duck walks away to sit in a corner. Chekov has found something that looks like Scotch and is drinking it. Scotty has found something that looks like Vodka and is drinking it. Bones is drinking brandy.*


	14. Chapter 14

**And now, your last chapter until Friday. If you have just started reading this, I advise going back to chapter 11 and checking you have read that first. I know this is crack and so doesn't make much sense, but it makes more sense if you have read all the previous chapters. Honest.**

**So finally, we present to you, Chapter 14, by Kat.**

…

Bones: Yum

Scotty: Argh! Hydrochloric acid!

Chekov: Argh! Limewater! Spock! Why do you keep this stuff in your science labs?

Kirk: Because they are science labs, not a bar.

Scotty: Argh! It burns!

Kirk: *tips bleach all over Scotty.*

Scotty: Argh! It burns! Though not quite so much...

Chekov: Argh! My hair is bleached blonde! Nooooooooo!

Kirk: That's what you get for drinking random substances in the science labs. Now, Kat, what did you do this time? Why are you even in here? I thought I gave you a permanent ban from the science labs three minutes after you first arrived on the ship, as you blew them up and we then had to wait in space dock for a month before setting out so they could rebuild them.

Molly: Hey, I work in the science department! Paperwork gets very boring after several months of nothing else.

Spock: You mean you have nothing to do but paperwork? That must be really boring and annoying. Could you do mine too?

Molly: No. Way.

Kirk: Anyway, what disaster have you caused this time?

Molly: Well, all I did was knock over all the test tubes of that really important and dangerous experiment that I spent an entire month doing the paperwork to get approved, and spill whatever was in them, dihydrogen oxide, I think, everywhere.

Kirk: That is water.

Molly: Oopsies.

Kirk: the actual substance was the highly dangerous hydrogen carbonic fluorinate phosphoric acid.

Molly: Oops. I think I spilt some on my elbow.

Kirk: Have some bicarbonate of soda.

Molly: Oooh! Are we going to make a cake?

Kat: I love cake!

Molly: Me too!

Bones: You're meant to put in on the elbow. It'll neutralise the acid, as it's alkaline. Even I know that, and dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a scientist.

Spock: What did I do wrong?

Kat: Can I have something for the explosion I caused?

Kirk: You caused an explosion too... I despair.

Chekov: Yeah, she's the one that put a mixture of toothpaste and Romulan Ale in the engines that one time... or those thirty eight times.

Kat: I think my eyebrows are singed. And my hair feels weird.

Molly: ! My beautiful hair and eyebrows! I HATE YOU MOLLY! Fix it immediately! Have you any idea how long it took me to brush it this morning!

*All ignore her*

Kirk: Unfortunately I used all the bicarbonate of soda on Kat, so you will have to make do with the fire bucket.

Kat: Argh! That. Is. Cold!

*Kat lifts bucket off head, and emerges, a bedraggled mess*

Kat: I hate you!

Spock: Ooooh! What happens if I press this big red button? It says press me.

Everyone else: Don't press that button!

*Spock presses button*

…

**A cliff-hanger! You must review, if only to ensure that I get back from camping alive and well enough to post the next chapter (which is very good by the way).**

**But until then, so long, farewell, and thanks for all the fish. (I can never decide between The Sound of Music and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy).**

**Or, as Spock would say, LLAP (except he would never, ever say it abbreviated. I wonder what the Vulcans must think of those who do this to their catchphrase).**

**But yes. Kat out.**

**(BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Kat: Ok, wonderful people of the vast internet. I am sorry for this late arrival. Wery wery sorry. I only found out after I had got there that I only got to go home on Saturday, and by then it was too late to warn you. When I finally did get home, I fell asleep, and then today I was busy. And so I present to you, incredibly late, but still awesome, Chapter 15, by Molly. But first, Molly has something to say.**

**Molly: Hello internet people!  
****For once it is not Kat writing this. I am Molly aka Ensign Tang aka Molly-cule aka Molly-pop etc. For the record, the current length of the story is 64 pages, and I have no idea where all the crack comes from half the time. Anyways, here's the next bit!**

…

*A large Victoria sponge cake with a strawberry on top falls from a trapdoor in the ceiling, with a label on it that reads "Eat Me". Everyone stares at it*

Spock: Why should I not have pressed the button?

Bones: It had "Press Me" written on it, you should never press a button that has "Press Me" written on it.

Molly: Sooooo... do we eat the cake?

Kat: Of course we do - it's cake!

*Molly and Kat take some of the cake and eat it.*

Kat: Hey! You ate the strawberry!

Scotty: Don't do that!

Kat: What, don't eat the strawberry? Ahh! I'm me again!

Scotty: You should never eat something that tells you to eat it!

Spock: I'm not going to eat the cake, I don't want Spock to be able to nerve-pinch me again.

Kirk: Well, I am going to eat it, I do not want to wear a tutu any longer, it is a very illogical form of clothing, unless you do ballet.

Spock: But I do ballet, and you're the one who told us not to eat it.

Kirk: Well I do not wish to be you anymore. *Eats some of cake.*

Spock: At last! I am myself again!

Kirk: Why, Spocky, Why? *Attempts to hug Spock, Spock nerve-pinches him.*

Chekov: Where hawe Molly and Kat gone?

*Everyone looks around and see that Kat and Molly have shrunk to the size of large rubber ducks, but not massive rubber ducks, just large ones.*

Kat: Hey look! A little door in the corner of that room that we've never noticed before!

Molly: I'm getting a feeling of déjà vu...

Spock: You could have said you were shrinking before I ate the cake!

Spock duck: *looks at Spock as they are now the same height* This is very fascinating... yet illogical!

Scotty: I don't mind shrinking too if it means getting rid of this accent. *Eats cake.*

Bones: What do I do?

Molly: *running between table legs pretending to be a racing car* Just eat some of the cake! Being small is fun!

Kirk: Yay can I join in? *Starts running around as well, with Kirk duck waddling after him.*

Kat: *also running around making "vroom vroom" noises* Yeah, being small is much better than being big! Only, before you eat that cake, get that little key that has mysteriously appeared on top of that table, I think it opens that door.

Molly: Definitely déjà vu...

Bones: Ok. *Puts key on the ground, and eats that rest of the cake.*

*Chekov picks up the mysterious key and unlocks the mysterious door; a mysterious cloud of mysterious smoke comes out. Everybody walks into the door, including the ducks. A mysterious DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN! sound is heard in the background*

Scotty: I wonder where that noise came from...

…

**Molly: Well, there it was. In case you have no idea what is happening, I won't explain, it would take far too long. Just try to guess who is going to be who in the next bit! Now press the button with the yellow speach bubble thingy next to it! *attempts and fails mind-control* Aww... But review! Kat lives off reviews! ****I just find them funny to read...**

**Kat: Yes, a cliffhanger. But to make up for the lateness of this chapter, you get another one! And it's extra-long, like this one. So pretty please, review afterwards?**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello, and welcome to Chapter 16, by Kat. To all newcomers, check you have read Chapter 15 first – it will make more sense that way, as this is the second chapter today. But to those of you who have read Chapter 15:**

…

Kirk: Oooh! A trombone!

Bones: I didn't know you played the trombone. Why didn't you tell me?

Spock: He does not play the trombone with any degree of skill. He merely picked it up and started blowing down it.

Bones: Oh.

Molly: Where's Kat?

Kat: I'm here.

Molly: No you're not. I can't see you.

*Kat looks down at herself and finds she is invisible* Kat: I'm inwisible! Awesomesauce!

Scotty: You look like the Cheshire cat.

Molly: That's where it comes from! Alice in Wonderland! We're in Wonderland!

Bones: Which makes Kirk Alice, as he's the one in the dress.

Kirk: Yay me!

Molly: Hey! I'm wearing a dress too!

Kirk: Yes, but I'm blonde and in a tutu.

Molly: The real Alice was young, short, a girl, had long brown curly hair and came from Oxford.

Kirk: Hmph. The Alice band has magically appeared on me, therefore I'm Alice.

Molly: Muh.

Bones: Argh! There are 2 of the hobgoblin!

Spock1: That would be illogical doctor. Argh! There are two of me! Illogical!

Spock2: The use of the word illogical is illogical, my dear Spock.

Spock1: That is illogical.

Spock2: Exactly.

Kat and Kirk: There are two Spockys! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Kat: I want the one with the pointy ears!

Kirk: Yay! I get the one that's not emotionally repressed!

Kat: Yeah but Wulcans are way cooler. And they have pointy ears.

Kirk: Yeah but the human one might actually like me

Spocks1+2: Argh! No! Fangirls! I hate them! Make them go away!

Kat and Kirk: But Spocky! ...

Bones: Hang on... wait... you mean one of the hobgoblins is actually human?

Kat and Kirk: Yup. Look at the ears.

Bones: .

Molly: So what am I? I wanted to be the Cheshire cat, or Alice.

Kat: Well, I'm the Cheshire Kat, and he's Alice, so you must be...why do you have cat-shaped antennae on your head? I thought you said you were Molly-munchkin, and part Molly-munchkin-whale. Quite definitely no antennae!

Molly: I have antennae? Cool!

*Spock2 (the human one) goes up to one of the antennae and pokes it* awesomesauce! It goes boing!

Kat: A Spock badge! On the right hand one's a baseball cap! *Takes badge off cat's hat and pins it on herself.*

Kirk: But I wanted that!

Spock2: And me! I'm Spock!

Kat: Hmph.

*Sulu falls from the sky, holding crack sandwiches*

Sulu: Hi guys!

Scotty: Are those sandwiches? Gimmegimmegimme!

Kat and Molly, singing: Gimmegimmegimme a jelly after midnight... _**(N.B.: this is from when we rewrote most of the songs from Mamma Mia to be about jelly)**_

*Scotty eats sandwiches* Yum. Crack!

*All eat sandwiches, but unfortunately it is not possible to get any higher than they already are, so not much happens.*

Kirk: So, d'you think Molly's the Mad Hatter, as those antennae-cats have some pretty awesome hats on. I want that tiara and those bows and ribbons and flowers, but it's a bit too small.

Kat: Grapes! *Spots grapes on left-hand cat's hat and eats them.*

Molly: awesome! I'm the Molly-Hatter!

Bones: Which leaves me, Sulu, and Scotty unidentified.

Kat: Unidentified Flying Object!

Molly: Flying saucers are yummy.

Kat: Sherbet! *Starts bouncing up and down.*

*Bones hyposprays Kat into unconsciousness*

Kirk: Well you're a violent one, aren't you. I swear you have far too much fun with those hyposprays.*Bones hyposprays Kirk too.*

Molly: Congratulations! You are officially the March Hare! You even have the ears.

Bones: Chekov has ears too!

*Chekov, who has been sitting wery quietly in a corner hoping no one would notice his ears, hides behind a bush*

Molly: Yes, but they're white, which means he's the white rabbit.

Bones: *hyposprays*

*Kat wakes up* I like cookies!

Sulu: What's going on here?

Kat: Ah well, you see, no one knows what day it is because everyone reset everyone else's clocks, and half of us think it's april fools day and so there are hundreds of traps scattered around the ship 'cause of that and after a long and complicated series of disasters involving the pressing of large red buttons saying press me and singing 'woo hoo woo hoo hoo', we appear to be stuck in wonderland. By the way, why do you have mouse ears sticking up out of your head?

Sulu: Don't tell me I'm the dormouse…

Molly, having woken up at the mention of cookies: Yup! The question is, are you the sleepy one or the one with the sword?

Kat: Guess. He's holding an extendable one.

Molly: Ah. I'd say were in Burtonland.

Spock1: Now, the question is, how do we get out?

Kat: SPOCKY! SQEUEEE! *Fangirl screams for no apparent reason.*

*All cover their ears to try and prevent permanent brain damage. All fail, except for Kirk, who has no brain to get damaged, and Molly, who gets ice-cream damage instead, but cannot get it repaired as her brain/ice-cream surgeon is currently otherwise occupied, squeeing.*

*Spock1 nerve-pinches Kat*

Chekov: Where's Scotty?

Molly: I dunno

Spock1: I believe he went off "sulking", as you humans call it, because he did not become the character that he wished to be from the children's novel "Alice in Wonderland".

Bones: I see.

Sulu: He took the crack sandwiches! My crack sandwiches!

Kat: Did someone say crack sandwiches?

*Spock1 nerve-pinches Kat again. All cheer*

Kirk: does anyone have any coffee?

…

**There. Hyper-long chapter that took a lot of effort to edit. Have you any idea how hard it is to edit something that was originally written as an email with no respect for spelling, capital letters or grammar? I would at this point just like to thank Molly for doing a good deal of it already for me.**

**Review? Free Crack Sandwiches for all reviewers!**


	17. Chapter 17

***Looks around sheepishly and tries to hide in corner* Ok wonderful people of the vast internet. I know I have no excuse. Molly and Llelinor have been bugging me to post this for ages, and I have only just got round to it. The bad news is, I'm not very good at regular updates. The good news is, reviews are like Christmas presents, and Christmas presents inspire me to update more (did it work?)**

**But anyways. Je te presente, chapitaire dix-sept, par Molly.**

**Molly: Huh? What was that meant to say? Kat, stop talking in Ancient Greek again!**

**Llelinor: That wasn't Ancient Greek, unless her pronounciation's really, really bad.**

**Molly: Which it probably is. Latin?**

**Llelinor: Nope.**

**Molly: Oh no. She can't have.**

**Llelinor: It's not Vulcan either, it that's what you were thinking.**

**Molly: No. How could she do this to me?**

**Llelinor: ?**

**Molly: French! She's speaking in French! We're all going to be eaten by frogs in baguettes and die!111!1 *trails off into very loud sobs***

**All: ?**

**And now for the actual story…**

* * *

Molly: Why do you want coffee? We're already high and hyper!

Kirk: Oh yeah...

*Uhura suddenly crashes through a nearby hedge, carrying a flamingo and with a hedgehog following her. She is wearing a crown on her head. Everyone looks slightly surprised.*

Uhura: Gah! What is this hedgehog doing? And this flamingo? It's very annoying and it doesn't go with my outfit!

*A second flamingo and hedgehog come out of the hedge and jump at Kirk, who falls over.*

Kirk: Ouch! Hedgehogs are spiky!

Kat: Ooooohhh! I know who you are! You're the queen of hearts!

Uhura: Who said that? What do you mean I'm the queen of hearts?

*Kat's head appears in mid-air grinning insanely, well more insanely than usual.*

Kat: Hello! I'm the Cheshire Kit-Kat!

Molly: Hey! This means you and Kirk are going to play croquet, you know, like in the book and/or film!

Kirk and Uhura: What's croquet?

Spock1: Playing croquet with flamingos is ILLOGICAL!

Spock2: No it's not, it's how it's meant to be played!

Spock1: Do you even know what croquet is?

Spock2: No! Do you?

Spock1: No!

Spock2: Fine! *Goes off to sulk, but trips over Kirks flamingo and falls face-first into a pile of hedgehogs.* Ouch!

Kat: I think you hit the hedgehogs through arches or something, only the arches move!

Molly: Yay!

Kat: Why?

Molly: Why what?

Kat: Why yay?

Molly: Why not yay?

Kat: Why yay instead of anything else, like awesomesauce?

Molly: Like what?

Kat: Awesomesauce.

Molly: Wut?

Kat: AWESOMESAUCE.

Molly: No need to shout!

Kat: But why not awesomesauce? Awesomesauce is awesomesauce!

Molly: I like yay.

Kat: Ok.

Sulu: What?

*Kirk grabs hold of a flamingo and hits it into the pile of hedgehogs. Hedgehogs fly everywhere and Spock2 falls out.*

Kirk: I found Spock!

Kat: Which one?

Kirk: The human one!

Kat: That's your one.

Spock2: Oh no...

Kat: Where's my one?

*Spock1 tries to sneak away, only to find that Kat appears in front of him, and hugs him. Spock1 nerve-pinches Kat. Molly steals Uhura's flamingo and starts hitting people randomly on the head with it. Chekov digs a rabbit burrow and disappears.*

Uhura: Argh! Molly! You messed up my hair!

Molly: What?

Bones: Not this again...

*Uhura steals the flamingo back and hits a hedgehog through an arch which suddenly appears.*

Uhura: Looks like I win!

Kirk: But I wasn't playing!

Sulu: But of course you were! You're Alice!

Kirk: Whaaaaaaat...?

Sulu: Never mind.

Kat: *wakes up* Pineapples! ... Where am i?

Molly: You're still in wonderland!

Kat: Does that mean I'm tripping?

Everyone: ...

Kat: Oh yeah!

*Chekov appears out of the ground*

Chekov: I thought I'd got away from all of you…

Spock1: That was a very illogical thing to think.

Spock2: No it wasn't!

*Spock1 nerve-pinches Spock2, at the same time Spock2 nerve-pinches Spock1. Both pass out*

Spock duck: Quack.

Uhura and Sulu: Where'd the giant duck come from?

*A loud thudding noise comes from a nearby wood*

Kat: Oh no... *disappears*

Kirk: Oh no what?

Molly: Oh no that! *points at wood, trees are falling down and...*

* * *

**A Cliffhanger! Dun Dun Duuuuuuuun!**

**Spock: Kat! Stop playing the trumpet! You are no good at it.**

**Kat: Hmph. Review.**

**Spock: No.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thanks to a special request, some time back, by Molly, the introduction to today's chapter comes in ancient Greek. I've forgotten most of mine, so blame babelfish for all mistakes (I don't speak anything like as many languages as the introductions to these chapters would have you believe).**

**Καιρετε! Και τώρα, κεφάλαιο δεκαοχτώ, από **xMόλιςx **Κατ.**

**(Greetings! And now, Chapter Eighteen, by **xWith Difficulty, Scarcely, or Reluctantlyx** Kat)**

****

**

* * *

**

A giant Chekov-shaped rubber duck appears from the woods.

All except Chekov: Argh! A giant Chekov-shaped rubber duck!

Chekov: Eet iz a nuclear wessel! I haf found ze nuclear wessel! And it looks like a giant Chekov-shaped rubber duck!

Kat: *head reappears* Oooh! Can I fly it!

Sulu: I don't think they fly

*Nuclear wessel spreads wings and starts flapping them*

Kat: Ha! *zooms over to it and takes steering wheel*

Sulu: Hey! I'm supposed to be the one in charge of flying things!

Kat: But I'm the only one who can sail

Molly: Opinions vary on that point. It depends on how you define being able to sail.

Kat: The Oppie only sank because there were five of us in it, when it's meant to be for one or two small children.

Molly: They're meant to be unsinkable! And still you sank one!

Kat: I would just like to point out that it was my sister that sank it, not me.

Molly: Hmph. What about every single other boat you've sailed, which you consistently manage to capsize after five minutes.

Kat: Only the ones with other people in. It was their fault for not doing as they were told, and the fact that _someone_, mentioning no names, _Molly_ _Tang_, _James Tiberius Kirk,_ and _S'chn T'gai Spock_, however you pronounce that, was sitting on top of the sail rocking the boat from side to side didn't help.

Spocks1+2: Hey! I was drunk at the time! Kirk had force-fed me chocolate!

Molly: But you've never been in a boat without someone else in it, except for that time with the giant steamship back in the 1900s, Titanic, I think it was called, after which McCoy banned you from ever sailing without a supervisor again after you crashed it into that iceberg and killed every single red-shirt on board except for Scotty and Uhura, and a load of other people too.

Kat: Hmph!

Molly: And you haven't sailed at all for the past year as no one was willing to supervise you other than that one red-shirt new recruit of the latest replacement batch we got, and he exploded and then drowned.

Kat: Hey! That wasn't my fault! I'm accident prone!

Molly: Very accident-prone. I'm not quite sure how _you_ managed to survive all these incidents.

Chekov (for the 476479817368374917th time): did you know that nuclear wessels were a Russian inwention?

All: YES!

* * *

**Reverse psychology… maybe if I don't ask for reviews, some will magically appear…**

**Spock: Illogical**

**Kat: But Spocky...**

***Kat is nerve pinched***

**Molly: Well, that's all for now, folks!**

***Molly is nerve pinched***

***Kat wakes up again in order to do some shameless plugging* Kat: And now, while it's all snowy and nice and Christmassy and stuff, why don't you check out 'Let it Snow' (towards the bottom of my profile)**

**Spock: Don't**

**Kat: Do**

**Spock: Don't**

**Kat: Do!**

***Kat is nerve'pinched***


	19. Chapters 19 and 20

**Kat: Don't make me say it!**

**Ewil lawyers of doom: You have to.**

**Kat: Noooooooooooo!**

**Spock: I shall say it. Neither Kat nor Molly own me, Star Trek, or anything much else for that matter.**

**Kat: Noooooooooooo!**

**Molly: And here is chapter 19, by me!**

**(End A/N)**

* * *

Kat: Oh well, I'll just sail this somewhere!

Chekov duck: Quack.

Uhura: Oh no! Another giant duck!

Chekov: It's not a duck, eet iz a russ...

*Chekov is gagged by Kirk.*

Kat: Wow, someone other than Kirk was gagged for once. Anyway, giddyup duckie!

Everyone else: Nooo!

*Chekov duck starts flying; it flies off a long way and then crashes into a turret of a mysterious far-off castle. Kat falls off.*

Sulu: I told her.

Molly: so did everybody

Chekov: *having escaped from gag* My nuclear wessel!

Kirk: Chekov! You must teach me how escape gags!

Chekov: No chance.

*Kirk goes off into wood to sulk. Kat's head suddenly appears, the Chekov duck lands next to her head with a thud sound and Kat's head falls over.*

Kat: Ouch! I can still fall over when I'm invisible!

Spock2: What made you think it would be any different?

*Kat hits Spock2*

Uhura: Why did you hit Spock? I thought you were a Spock fangirl.

Kat: It's not my Spock, it's Kirk's Spock. It's human.

Spock2: I can still hear you. Hey, where is Kirk, he usually would have complained that you hit me, or any Spock, not just his Spock.

Bones: He went off to sulk. He's most likely lost or something.

Spock1: Why can it not be Kat who gets lost?

Kat: I did get lost, but I have a built in Spock-compass. It's very helpful when searching for Spocks.

Spock1&2: *groan* Why?

Kat: I'm a Spock fangirl, what else am I meant to do?

Scotty: Are we going to look for Kirk, or continue discussing Spock-stalking techniques?

**And now chapter 20, by Kat, cause it fitted nicely here.**

Kat: Definitely Spock-stalking techniques! Kirk might know some good ones... although I don't necessarily want to reveal all my secrets…

Spocks1+2: I cannot decide which is worse

All others: We agree.

Kirk: Hey guys! Did someone mention Spock-stalking techniques?

All but Kat: Umm...no!

Kat: Yayayayayayayay!

Kirk: Awesomesauce!

All: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Spock1: Fascinating! Every non-Vulcan has lost their voice.

Spock2 (in sign language): DAMNEZ-VOUS!

Bones (also in sign language): I concur.

Kat + Kirk: We haven't!

Spock1 (in munchkin voice, for unknown reasons): Oh crp

Kat: Ok, who fed the Vulcan chocolate?

Molly (drawing in the mud as she doesn't speak sing language or know how to read/write): Ummm... I may or may not have spiked his plomeek soup.

Kat: You put chocolate in plomeek soup? How could you do that to chocolate?

Spocks1+2: Or plomeek soup?

Kirk: I don't like plomeek soup.

Chekov (in Russian sign language, which amongst other things replaces all vs with ws): did you know that plommek soup was a Russian inwention?

* * *

**The button is calling you. The button is everything. The button controls time and space, love and death. The button can see into your mind. The button can see into your soul! (And it's telling you to press it, and singing woo hoo woo hoo hoo…)**

**(Bonus cookies for reviewers who spot all the references in this A/N. Bonus cookies for reviewers anyways.)**


	20. Chapter 21

**a/n: **

**Molly: HI! This is the next chapter! *obvious***

**Kat: greetings earthlings! Molly here is learning to use a computer, so expect some... chaos (and files named OVER HERERERERERE! STOREEEEEEEEEE!, etc)**

**Molly: Yes! Kat is teaching me about websity stuffy majigs! It's confuzzling... meh...**

**Kat: See what I mean? Anyway, here is chapter 21, by Molly**

**Spock: Kat and Molly would like to add that they do not own Star Trek, or me.**

**Kat: Oh no we wouldn't.**

**Spock: Hmph. *nerve-pinches***

**Molly: NYEH! *hits Spock in the face with a mega-sized trout because she doesn't like Spock. (I think he is eeeewil incarnate)* Yaynesses! *gets nerve-pinched***

* * *

Molly: I was high! Why else do I do anything?

Kat: True, can't argue with that.

Spock1: Who wants to play tag?

Chekov: What did he say? It was too high for me to hear.

Kirk: He wants to play tag! I wanna play too!

Kat: Speaking of high... Uhura do you have any more of those awesomesauce shoes?

Uhura: You took my last one!

Kat: Oh yeah... Oh well... *Turns invisible.*

Molly: Kat, where are you? Remember; if in doubt, use lemon formation, like this. *Starts running around in a lemon shape, only to fall into a deep dark hole.*

Cats on Molly's antennae: Ahhhh!

Molly: Ah- hey! I can talk again, in your faces! -hhh! *Disappears from view.*

Spock1: *Voice changing pitch very quickly.* oh no!

Chekov: Oh no what? Hey! I can speak too!

Spock1: That means Spock2 can as well.

Spock2: Why do I have to be Spock2? I wanna be Spock1!

Spock1: I am Spock1. It is only logical, as I am the Vulcan one, therefore the original.

Spock2: HALF-vulcan.

Spock1: What. Did. You. Say.

Spock2: Youre not really Vulcan.

Spock1: Meh.

Kat: Now you've upset my Spocky!

Spock2: But I'm Spock!

Kat: Not my Spocky. I get Spock1, I don't want Spock2.

Spock2: Meh.

Bones: I think I know why the hobgoblin no.1 said "oh crap" in a munchkin voice earlier, it's starting to rain.

Kat: So it is.

Spock1: It's raining chocolate, ILLOGICAL!

Spock2: Chocolate? Yay!

Kat: Don't you mean awesomesauce?

Spock: I said what I meant.

Kat:*Gasp.* What!

Kirk: It's my Spock, not your one.

Kat: Maybe we should number them.

Kirk: How?

Kat: Shave the numbers into their heads!

Spocks: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Kat: Yes.

Kirk: Anyone got a razor?

Spock2: *In fear.* shouldn't we go and save Molly before we do anything else?

Chekov: You're right!

Kat and Kirk: *Disappointed.* awww...

Bones: You can shave the hobgoblins later.

Kat: Awesomesauce!

Kirk: Yay!

Uhura: Don't start that argument again.

All ducks: Quack.

Kat: Cool.

Sulu: What?

Kat: The ducks all said "quack" at the same time.

Ducks: *Evil laugh.*

Kirk: That's creepy.

Kat: What?

Ducks: Quack.

Kat: Oh they're normal again.

Molly: *Falls out of nearby bush.* ouch!

Kat: Oh look, its Molly. Wait a moment, something's strange. *Kats head reappears.* hmmmmm...

*Molly looks up and laughs evilly, but not evil duck laugh.*

Chekov: Ok...

Kat: Oh yeah! Molly's eyes aren't usually orange! Molly's personal philosophy is that orange eyes are evil, just like mine is that red shirts always die, which they do!

Molly: Mwahahaha!

Kat: Oh dear.

Sulu: RUN!

Uhura: If I run, my hair will get messed up!

Kat: It's already messed up. *Holds up mirror.*

Uhura: *Screams.*

*Everyone runs in separate directions, apart from the 2 Spocks, who cannot go more than 20 feet away from each other, and Kat and Kirk, who stay with the Spocks. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNN!*

Kirk: Oh look another trombone!

* * *

**Molly: STOREEEEEEE! I'M HYPERRRR!**

**Kat: *Nerve-pinches Molly* Reveiw?**

**Molly: Ouchies! That hurted... waaahhhh...**

**Spock: Crying is illogical.**

**Molly: You're illogical! *Hits Spock in the face with a fish again. Gets nerve-pinched.***


	21. Chapter 22

**Molly: Woooo! I'm doing the editingy thing!**

**Kat: We are doomed!**

**Molly: And because I am editory persony thing, I get to pick who announces the chapter! Kuriboh, I choose you!**

**Tribble: ?**

**Kat: Molly, this is Star Trek. It's called a tribble, and the only thing it says is koo.**

**Tribble: Koo?**

**Molly: It should say la!**

**Tribble: Ummm... La?**

**Molly: YAY! I'm hyper!**

**Kat: I guessed. Impostor-tribble!**

**Kuriboh: Dammit!**

**Bones: JIM!**

**Kuriboh: How did you figure me out?**

**Kat: I despair... Anyway, this is chapter 22, by moi. Make sure you've read Chapter 21 first - Molly is learning to use the internet today, and so is practicing posting chapters. With luck she'll improve eventually...**

**Molly: You talked French at me again...**

* * *

Spocks1+2: Can we play tag now?

Kirk: Yes!

Kat: No!

Spocks + Kirk: But why Kat? Why?

Kat: Because it's raining

Molly: (In munchkin voice) Oh cwap.

Rubber ducks: Qua-!

Kat: Because it's raining rubber ducks

Molly (In munchkin voice): Wubber duck.

Bones: Hey, Ensign Tang's gone normal again!

Kirk: Oh crap.

Kat: No. That's a good thing.

Kirk: Oh. Crap.

Molly: Did someone mention normal and me in the same sentence without a not in there somewhere?

Bones: Umm... Yup?

Spocks1+2: Can we play tag now?

Bones: No. I want to go home. BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!

* * *

**Molly: Omnomnom... *Has a cookie. Biscuit. Whatever...***

**Kat: Molly, you're not very good at this whole begging for reviews thing, are you.**

**Molly: Nope. :)**

**Kat: Pity reviews? For my sake having to put up with Molly?**

**Molly: Mean stinky poo-face...**

**Spock: Don't give them to her! She uses them as fuel to write more crack!**


	22. Chapter 23

**Molly: Do not fear! We are not dead!**

**Kat:** **Me either!** **I'm not dead! :D**

**Spock: What would lead them to think you were dead?**

**Molly: Shut up! *hits Spock in the face with a space-duck***

**Space-Duck: Quack! *disappears***

**Kat: What was that?**

**Molly: Noooothing! Anyways, this took ages 'cause Kat keeps forgetting and she only just told me the password.**

**Kat: I told you it but you forgot it.**

**Molly: *fingers in ears* LALALALA! NOT LISTENING TO YOU!**

* * *

Scotty: Ok *Presses button*

*Everyone find themselves surrounded by a bright white light, then they find themselves back on the Starship Enterprise and they are normal again*

Molly: *Normal voice* Woah...

Kat: Hey wheres my Spock badge?

Kat duck: Hahaha... Quack *Runs away with Spock badge, as it has stayed the same size*

Spock: That was mildly unpleasant, but at least I am myself again.

Kat: So... Are you my Spock or Kirk's Spock?

Kirk: He's mine!

Kat: But he's got pointy ears!

*Spock tries to sneak away, Kat and Kirk rugby tackle him*

Spock: Ouch.

Chekov: Hey what happens if I press this button?

Molly: Don't press it! *Jumps at Chekov in an attempt to push him away from the button and ends up landing on it.* Ouch.

Kat: I thought falling over was my job.

*More light surrounds everyone, only its purple, and everyone disappears off somewhere else.*

Uhura: Now that they're gone, I can fix my hair. *Hedgehog crawls out of her hair.* Ahh! Another hedgehog! *Tries to run away from it and runs into a wall.*

MEANWHILE...

Kat: Ouch! Purple light is painful!

Bones: Where are we?

Scotty: Looks like another weird place.

*Another DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNN!*

Kat: Why does Kirk keep finding trombones everywhere?

* * *

**Molly: KK that was the chapter!**

**Kat: Reviewers get told what the answer to everything is!**

**Molly: (It's 42!)**

**Kat: Shhh!**

**Spock: That is illogical, not every question has the answer 42.**

**Kat: In the world of Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy it is!**

**Spock: But this is the world of Star Trek.**

**Kat: The point is, review and there will be more chapters!**

**Spock: But you never said that.**

**Kat: Spocky! *Glomps Spock***


	23. Chapter 24

**Kat: Before you read this, make sure you have read the other one, this is the second today! :O**

**Molly: This chapter is by Kat, the last one was by me, I didn't say it then. Hehehe...**

**Kat:** **Awesomesauce!**

**Molly: Yay!**

* * *

*All find themselves surrounded by singing munchkins. Molly sits in corner huddled up and sobbing "Noooo!" at random intervals*

Munchkins: We represent the Mollypop guild, the Mollypop guild, the Mollypop guild, and on the behalf of the Mollypop guild, we would like to welcome you to Munchkin land!

Molly: Nooooooooo!

All others: ?

Kirk: I like lollipops.

Molly: Noooo! Don't eat the Mollypops!

All: ?

Kat + Kirk: Why not?

Spock + Bones: because they have a high sugar content and are very bad for...

Molly: NO! Because they ar- *other munchkins spot Molly, and attack and tie her up*

All others: ?

Munchkins: Molly Tang, you are hereby under awwest for running away fwom Munchkinland, stowing away aboard a spaceship, and stealing 173 tonnes of sweets.

Spock: Actually it was 173.141592- *Is cut off by bones*

*Munchkins drag Molly away* Molly: Save me!

Everyone but Kat: Do we have to?

Molly + Kat: YES!

* * *

**Molly: The suspense!**

**Kat: What suspense?**

**Molly: The imaginary suspense!**

**Kat: Oh. So it's like the plot?**

**Spock: What plot?**

**Molly: It's imaginary!**

**Kat: Now review! Or Chekov will follow you around endlessly yelling "Nuclear Wessels!" at you. :D**


	24. Chapter 25 and 26

**Molly: Hello! Another chapter by me!**

**Random Crowd: YAAAAY!**

**Molly: I'm gonna try to do a new one every week or so but I don't know how well that'll work...**

**Kat: You're not gonna manage it for very long.**

**Spock: I concur.**

**Molly: I know. I will try, and fail!**

**Kat: Me and Molly do not own anything you see in this story, except for ourselves!**

**Spock: I am free!**

**Kat: No you're not! *glomps***

**Molly: He is really.  
**

**Spock: *nerve-pinches both of them***

* * *

*Kirk picks up trombone and puts it on top of a munchkin; the munchkin runs around looking like a walking trombone and knocks over other munchkins. Cue domino effect.*

Munchkins: Ahhhh!

Kat: The trombone was useful for once. *Walks away and trips over munchkin in trombone.* ouch!

Kirk: Don't hurt the trombone!

Spock: That is illogical, trombones do not feel pain.

Kirk: This one does.

Bones: How do you know that?

Kirk: It told me.

*Silence.*

Molly: I would ask you how but now that you've helped me escape, the munchkins will be after you as well, so I suggest we run away.

Kat: Wow that actually made sense.

Munchkin: Attack!

Everyone: Ahhh! *Runs.*

* * *

**Kat: AAAAnd now another chapter 'cause otherwise it would be really short.**

**Molly: I'M NOT SHORT!**

**Kat: I know.**

**Molly: I could very easily make an Ed Elric reference now, but I won't**

**Kat: Enjoy my amazing writingness!**

* * *

*All fall into hole that has just mysteriously appeared in the floor, and find themselves in the Night Garden, a terrifying world filled with three very strange Tombliboos, families with ten kids whose parents sleep in separate flowerpots, a cleaning-obsessed mutant (also very strange), a runaway train and flying machine with no pilot that frequently crashes, perverted Iggle-Piggles, and dancing and singing (very badly) Upsy-Daisys with inflatable skirts, controlled by an evil narrator as the characters can only say their names, where the scale is perpetually confused, that many children (and the entire crew of at least one Starship) are terrorized by each evening. All, including Spock, scream and curl up on floor hoping it isn't real. (It is almost as mentally scaring as some of Kirk's less mentally scarring dreams).*

All: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

David Cameron: And now children, that is why you must not cross the road without an adult. Because you will die horribly and painfully with your guts strewn out across the floor and you will be smushed to death and...

All: No! Please! Make it stop! We won't cross the road without a responsible adult! We promise!

Kat: Kat. Kat KatKatKatKat! Kaaaaaaaaaat! KatKat KatKatKat! Kaaaaaaaaaat!

(Translation: I have a plan. Hang on. Wait. I can't say anything but Kat! Argh! No!)

Spock: Spock von sprinkles MacDerpaderp. SPOC- *Slaps hand over mouth.*

Bones: Leonard Horatio McCoy. Bones. Doctor. Dammit Jim Guy.

(Translation: Great. How the hell do we get out of here now? Ooh! I can say Dammit Jim. Except I have to say guy afterwards. Fascinating.)

Kirk: Kirk KirkKirkKirk? James Tiberius.

Spock: Von sprinkles MacDerpaderp!

(Translation: ILLOGICAL! Oh crap! I can't avoid saying my last name! Nooooooooo!)

Molly: Mollusc Molly-cule? Carbuncle!

(Translation: What do we do now? we can't communicate!)

Scotty: Montgomery Scott. Scotty Scott O'Fluffington. O'FLU- *Slaps hand over mouth.*

(Translation: I wish Uhura was here. she's probably be able to understand us all. Argh! I revealed my Irish last name! Argh!)

Kat: Titania not quite queen of the furrys. But don't you dare call me that if you value your life or at least your hat!

(Translation: We're doomed. Ooooh! I see Iggle-Piggle's boat! We might be able to sail it out of here!)

*Tries to mime plan. fails, and ends up looking like humpback whale trying to do a triple-backwards flip wearing one anti-gravity boot on a flipper while underneath a trampoline three metres above a bowl of custard.*

Chekov: Pawel Andereiowich Chekow?

(Translation: Pineapple?)

*Kat shrugs. Mimes nerve pinching David Cameron, who also appears to be the narrator of doom.*

*Spock nerve pinches Kirk, and then her for good measure. And Molly and Bones, because they were annoying him. And Scotty, Chekov, and Sulu, for the same reasons.*

Kat: *Wakes up.* Katty KatKat Kit-Kat Aragorn-Legolas! Titania!

(Translation: What the hell? you weren't supposed to do that! I just said Aragorn-Legolas? Oh crap!)

*Gestures wildly to David Cameron, and then indicates nerve-pinching, a feat made harder by the fact that she is now, for some unknown reason along with everyone else wearing a giant inflatable strait-jacket.*

Spock: S'chn T'gei Spock von Sprinkles Macderpaderp!

(Translation: How the hell am I meant to do that now? I'm in a giant inflatable strait-jacket!)

*Uhura falls from sky screaming, and lands in David Cameron, knocking him unconscious.*

Kat: Katty Kit-Kat Titania.

Molly: Ensign Molly Tang. Molly-Munchkin-Whale.

(You need to translate for us. We can only say our names.)

Uhura: Oh. You could have said. Ok. Ensign Richards said we have to get out of here.

Kirk: Tiberius!

(Translation: Yummy shoes!)

Uhura: I'm not even gonna translate that.

Bones: Doctor, Dammit Jim. Guy. Leonard.

(Translation: But how? Dammit Jim, stop smoking those shoes! You don't know where they've been. Guy. Meh.)

* * *

**Molly: Cliffhanger!...?**

**Kat: ...?**

**Molly: :D**

**Kat *facepalm***

**Molly: I might update it again some time...**

**Kat: Spocky?**

**Spock: My name is Spock (or one of the many crack-fueled names above), not Spocky.**

**Kat:** ***loudly* Will anyone who reviews get a magic cookie?**

**Spock: I do not know.**

**Kat: *whisper* you're meant to say yes.**

**Spock: Then... yes?**

**Molly: The end! For now, DUN DUN DUUUUN!**


	25. Chapter 27 and 28

**Molly: what have we learned? I am terrible at updating!**

**All: YAY!~**

**Kat: You learn something new every day, only this took a couple of weeks to learn.**

**Spock: You just contradicted yourself.**

**Kat: Spocky listened to me!~ SQUEE!**

**Molly: A new chapter! By me!**

* * *

Spock: MACDERPADERP!

Uhura: He says he's found the remote!

Kat: Kat-Kat-Kat Supreme Katty! (Give it to me!) *Steals remote from Spock and presses the channel up button.*

All: AHHHH!

*A large hole opens up underneath them, they all fall in. They land and find themselves on BBC2 at 6:25 on Saturday.*

Kirk: Ouch

Scottie: Yay we can speak again!

Molly: Hey what's that? *Points at a blue box.* Haha... moo

Kat: Uh oh. Where's the TV guide?

Kirk: Why do you want that?

Kat: I think we've gone from in the Night Garden to Doctor Who.

* * *

**Kat: Here's another, cause you people waited so long and this one was really short.**

**Molly: Like Edward Elric.**

**Kat: ?**

**Molly: Never mind...**

**Spock: Why am I even here?**

**Kat: Because. This chapter is by me! Stuff happens in it!**

* * *

*The Doctor and Amy appear in distance wearing HUGE rucksacks, skip exhaustedly down the yellow brick road, and stop at the junction where everyone else is to read the map, which consists of a blank piece of paper with a red dot on it saying "You are here", and an X that keeps disappearing and reappearing in random places. They look up.*

Doctor: Oh! Hi! Are you out walking today? We are supposed to be doing a survey of anyone we meet. So far we have managed a very angry looking witch, a tin man, a lion, a scarecrow, and a girl walking her dog.

Kirk: They look like they're on Dofe! Does anyone remember when we were on Dofe? And I had the dream about - *Is silenced by all jumping on top of him and covering his mouth.*

Amy: Zomfg! A hot alien guy! SPOCK!

Kat: OI! He already has too many dedicated fangirls! There's me, and then there's the stalker log, and then there's Kirk too!

Amy: Sorry. Umm... I meant... wozzisname? RORY?

Doctor: I'm offended! You should be yelling DOCTOR RAMESES VON SPRINKLES MCDERPADERP THE FIRST!

Amy: That's what your name is?

Doctor: Oh crap.

Spock: If it makes you feel any better, they all know my full name too.

Doctor: What's that?

Spock: Not telling.

Bones: Spock von Sprinkles MacDerpad- *Is nerve-pinched by Spock.*

Kat: *Randomly hugs Spock.* Spocky! *Is nerve pinched.*

Molly: So, what brings you travellers from distant lands on Doe?

Doctor: Well, you see, the Daleks, aided by the evil Mrs Wilson, kidnapped the TARDIS, and made us walk everywhere.

Molly: Ah. You did know the TARDIS is standing right next to you?

Amy: The TARDIS! WE'RE SAVED! YAYNESS!

Kirk: Ooooh! A time machine! We can go back in time and see cute little kiddie-Spock! He might like me then! *Is nerve pinched.*

Doctor: Oh look! I see the TARDIS! It's just there, Amy! *Enters TARDIS.* *S**creams.*** *Runs back out again.* there are Daleks in there! Save me! *Runs behind Bones.*

Bones, having woken up when the doctor tripped over him: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a Dalek protector!

Doctor: Hey! I'm the doctor! *Is hypoed, and starts to turn green.*

Amy: Hey! You made him turn green! That clashes with my hairstyle!

Uhura: But you're wearing green high heels!

Amy: Exactly!

All: *D**espair.***

Spock: Fear not! [Said he for mighty dread had crossed their troubled minds] glad tidings of great joy I bring to you and all mankind! I am the angel Gabriel!

Kirk, having woken up at the sound of Spock's voice: You are? Omg! Yayness!

Bones: Umm, are you sure about that Mr Von Spr- *Is nerve pinched again.*

Spock: I mean, I shall go and nerve pinch the Daleks and save you all

Kat, Amy, Kirk, and log: Yay!

Spock: Oh god. Fangirls.

*Spock enters the TARDIS, and returns with his hair sticking up looking strangely like it has been hit with a large jolt of electricity.*

Spock: It appears that Vulcan nerve pinches do not work on Daleks.

All: Crap.

Molly: Oh crap. It's raining.

Bones: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not an umbrella!

Kirk: I found another trombone! It was sitting on the log's head. If logs have heads.

DUN DUN DAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

* * *

**Molly: Wait, what was that?  
**

**Kat: Honestly Molly, it's an ad break! Can't you tells the difference? *hits Molly on the head.*  
**

**Molly: Bored. *throws a cat (not Kat) at Spock* MITTENS! NOW!*the cat explodes***

**Anyone who got that reference leave a review saying what it is from!**

**Spock: What was that for?**

**Molly: For being annoying, and it could have been worse, I could have pukes a knife at you!**

**More reference, but from the same thing!**

**Kat: How could you do that to Spocky? *glomps Spock and is nerve-pinched***


	26. Chapter 29 and 30

**Kat: And now we return to The Molly & Kat & SPOCK! & everyone else Show!**

**Molly: Is it really a show?**

**Kat: Why not!**

**Molly: Yay!**

**Spock: *starts edging out sideways***

**Molly: Chapter 29 by Me!**

**Spock: *gets thrown really high into the air in a giant net* What- Meh- ILLOGICAL!**

**Kat: Awesomesauce! The Spock-catcher worked!**

* * *

Kat: Is the munchkin still inside it?

Spock: I think this trombone is exhibiting symptoms of fangirl...ism... anyway, the trombone is stalking you.

Kirk: Ahh! *Drops trombone.*

Molly: Is fangirlism even a word?

Kat: Of course it is! Spock uses it so it must be a word!

Everyone but Kirk, Kat and the log: RIIIIIIIIIIGHT...

Dalek: Exterminate!

Spock: Run! If Vulcan nerve-pinches don't work on them, nothing will!

Kirk: NOOO! *Throws trombone at Dalek.*

Dalek: *Falls over.* ahh! Trombones! One of my many weaknesses!

Kat: What are the others?

Dalek: They include peanut butter; it's sticky so we get stuck to the floor.

Doctor: Well thanks for that information!

Dalek: Oh crap.

*Everyone except Dalek get into TARDIS. TARDIS starts moving.*

Doctor: Ummm... why are you all here?

Amy: Oh come on, you don't want to get rid of them do you?

*Amy winks at Spock, Spock pales and tries to hide behind the log.*

Kat: Hey! Spocky is mine!

Molly: Yeah, last time I checked, Amy had Rory and the Doctor. (*Doctor makes annoyed noise.*) she doesn't need Spock as well.

Spock: I already have enough fangirls, I don't need any more.

Amy: Don't be like that!

Doctor: Don't listen to her, she very persuasive.

*TARDIS stops, all fall over.*

Kat: Ouch! Is falling usually this painful?

Amy: Well, there are about 15 people here, usually its just 2.

Kat: *Opens door.* Hey look where we are! I can see a something from here!

Molly: What kind of something?

Kat: A something sort of something. It's very somethingy.

Chekov: Did you know that wery somethingy somethings were a Russian inwention?

Doctor: *Ignores Chekov.* What colour something?

Kat: I don't know! Just look at it. *Goes out of TARDIS to sulk.*

Molly: Why did Kat go out of the TARDIS?

Spock: There's a 91.6721843098711398% chance she's sulking.

Molly: Oh. Do you think we should go and get her?

Spock: She's got a built in Spock-compass remember. She'll be OK.

Doctor: Unless we leave.

Spock: This is why we should.

Kat: *Re-enters.* If I'm getting left behind, so is Spock. *Goes out again, dragging Spock after her.*

Kirk and log: And us! *Go outside.*

Doctor: These fangirls are crazy!

* * *

**Molly: DUN DUN DUUUN!**

**Kat: Not yet.**

**Molly: ?**

**Spock: Let me out of this net right now!**

**Kat: No! *evil grin* Mwahaha... This next one is by me!**

* * *

*Kat, Kirk, and log run back inside, screaming and dragging Spock with them.*

Kirk: ARGH!

Spock: Cease your illogical screaming! ARGH!

Kat: *S**obbing.*** It's...it's...it's a giant Spock eating space penguin! It wants to eat my Spocky!

Kirk: My Spocky!

Log: Shhh! MY SPOCKY!

Amy: I think he's my Spocky.

Kat, Kirk, log, and Spock: No way.

Molly: Can't the invincible stalker-log deal with this?

*Log shakes head.*

Uhura: Do Vulcan nerve pinches work on giant Spock eating space penguins?

Spock: Hmmm... I've never thought of that before...

*Spock leaves.*

*Spock runs back in, screaming.*

Spock: It appears that Vulcan nerve pinches do not work on giant Spock eating space penguins.

Chekov: Did you know that giant Spock eating space penguins were a Russian inwention? As were Wulcan nerwe pinches.

*Spock nerve-pinches Chekov.*

Kirk: This trombone is kinda Spock-shaped. I like it!

Trombone: Kooo!

Uhura: Zomfg! The trombone has a tribble! Gimmegimmegimme!

Kirk: My trombone!

Uhura: Mine!

Kat: Stop fighting children!

Kirk and Uhura: Shan't!

Molly: Nooo! Nooo! Do you want me to throw the ducky cup at you?

Kirk: Nooooooooo! Not the ducky cup!

* * *

**Molly: Why did no-one so far get the references? Does nobody on this bit of teh internetz use youtube?**

**Kat: Not in the same way you do, I don't get those references!**

**Molly: I don't get it when you quote Star Trek at me!**

**Kat: Sometimes you do.**

**Molly: Mehh...**

**Spock: Let me out of this net right now! It is ILLOGICAL!**

**Kat: You can come out if we get reviews *stares pointedly at readers***

**Molly: Is that really an incentive?**

**Kat: I dunno...**


	27. Chapter 31

**Molly: This one is just one chapter, by me. Otherwise it would be TOO MUCH!**

**Spock: Let me out now! The reviewers demand it!**

**Kat: Elinor demanded it.**

**Molly: She still reviewed!**

**Kat: Fine *presses Big Red Button. net holding Spock explodes and he goes splat on the floor* Spocky! *glomps***

**Molly: I give in. I was referencing None Piece, from the video Pirates and/or Ninjas, which you should watch. *hint hint***

**Kat: Stop doing that!**

**Molly: You do it for your other stories!**

**Kat: Meh.**

* * *

*Penguin bashes down door to TARDIS.*

All: Ahhh!

Penguin: Peep.

Kat: Hahaha... it said peep... moo...

Molly: Wheres the cow?

Spock: Save me from the Spock eating space penguin!

Kirk: I'll save you! *Runs into penguin and falls over.* Ouch, it is immune to my tutu powers!

Penguin: Peep

Kat: Tutu powers?

Kirk: My tutu is magical!

Everyone else: RIGHT! ...

Penguin: Peep

Doctor: Why does the penguin keep saying peep?

Spock: All penguins say peep, don't they?

Doctor: I'm the doctor, I should know these things, but it's been a long time since I've met any penguins or similar, so I can't remember. Anyway, I don't know everything!

Amy: You don't?

Doctor: No

Penguin: Peep

Kirk: *Randomly hugs Spock.* Spocky!

Spock: Gah! Get the hell off me!

Kirk: No

Kat: Yes *Pulls Kirk off Spock and hugs Spock.* Yay! Spocky!

Penguin: Peep.

Kat: Oh yeah the penguin is still here

Trombone: DUN DUN DUUU- *Is picked up by Kirk and thrown at the penguin.* Ouch! That hurt!

Kirk: Ohhh! The trombone talks! I'm going to sell it on e-bay!

Trombone: Nooo!

Kat: Huh?

Molly: *Munchkin.* oh crap

Penguin: Peep

Spock: Illogical!

Kirk: Spocky!

Amy: My Spocky!

Kat: My Spocky!

Log: My Spocky!

Doctor: The log talked!

Penguin: Peep.

Uhura: Omg! A penguin!

Trombone: Where?

Log: Wut?

Kat: I like pudding!

Molly: I like cake!

Kat: Pudding!

Molly: Cake!

Kat: PUDDING!

Molly: CAKE!

Kat: Pudding?

Molly: Wut?

Penguin: Peeeeepp?

Trombone: Hehehe...

Bones: Everybody stop randomly saying stuff! It's getting really annoying now and I can't stand it much longer! Also, has everybody forgotten that the giant Spock eating space penguin is still here? Does anyone actually know how to get rid of it?

Annoying pink unicorn: Nothing can stop the penguin!

Annoying blue unicorn: The penguin is INVINCIBLE!

Kat: Where did those unicorns come from?

Molly: What unicorns?

Kat: Those unicorns. *She looks around to find that the unicorns have disappeared.* They were there a second ago!

Penguin: Peep!

*The unicorns reappear and float around the ceiling of the TARDIS saying "Ring ring" "Hello?" "Ring ring" "H-hello?" over and over again.*

Kat: Those unicorns!

Kirk: Yay! Pwettiful unicorns!

Spock: Floating unicorns are illogical!

Penguin: Peep.

Kat: *Pulls out an ice lolly from her pocket.* Oh! I forgot I had this in here! I wonder what else I've got. *Puts down ice lolly and starts pulling things out of her pockets, including a giant pink teddy bear with an afro.*

Penguin: Peep? Peep! *Picks up ice lolly and leaves.*

Kat: Nooo! My ice lolly!

Spock: Ensign Richards, it is winter, why would you want an ice lolly?

Kat: Ice lollies are nearly ice creams, and ice creams are always good!

Molly: Until they melt! Or if you get caught eating one in a geography lesson.

Spock: Well at least the penguin has gone

Penguin: *Re-entering TARDIS, and being followed by many penguins.* peep!

(Translation: These are the ones with the free ice lollies!)

Other penguins: Moo!

Kat: Moo?

Molly: Moo. Moooo!

Kat: Moo...

Molly: Moooo?

Kat: Hehehe... moo...

* * *

**Molly: Is it weird that I'm watching a fandub of someone eating a pencil while doing this?**

**Kat: Yep!**

**Spock: My face hurts...**

**Kat: oh no! Spocky's face is hurt! And his eyebrows are on his face! They might be damaged! Noooo! *hugs Spock tighter***

**Spock: Can't... Breathe... *face turns orange***

**Molly: Weird... Review or Spock will be rainbow coloured by the time we come back! :D**

**Potato: Noooo! **

**(Anyone get that one?)**


	28. Chapter 32

**Immy: Molly! Stop making references!**

**Molly: Never! Also, Kat no longer has control over these things in this story, she leaves it to me.**

**Immy: Oh. That means it's never gonna stop, doesn't it?**

**Molly: YAY! DUEL MONSTERS ON D-WHEELS!**

**Kat: ? Oh well! Spocky!**

**Molly: It's the new CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES! TESTING, TESTING, 1 2 3! *explosion***

**Spock: Ouch. It is illogical to yell that loud! *not quite rainbow coloured, but kinda highlighter green***

**Immy: My Spocky!**

**Molly: But I'm being Jack Atlas, and if I don't yell it doesn't work...**

**Kat: Spocky! I wrote this bit! Isn't it the bestest bit ever?**

**Spock: ILLOGICAL!**

* * *

*All penguins begin pow-wowing at Molly (you know like the ewoks do to C3PO in star wars?).*

Penguins: Moooooooooooooooop! Mooooooooooop! Moooooooooooooop!

Doctor and Amy: Argh! The TARDIS translator circuits are broken! We can't understand them!

Chekov: Did you know that time machines and Dr Who were Russian inwentions? And I'm sure if you giwe me some wodka I can fix those circuits, although Scotty might be better. He is in fact a Russian, you know that?

All but Uhura: What are they saying?

Uhura: Ummm... All hail the holy cow-sheep-ninja-chicken god of moooo!

All: Right...

Kat: Molly! You're the holy cow-sheep-ninja-chicken god of moooo!

Molly: Oh gods... Crap.

Doctor: Argh! You made it rain inside my TARDIS! It isn't supposed to rain inside TARDISY! Noooo! She might get wet!

Amy: Hey! I thought you were having an affair with me, not the TARDIS!

Spock: Yes! She's back to fancying the doctor again! I now have one less fangirl!

Amy: Don't worry, I still like you too, Spocky.

Spock: Dammit.

*Kat, Kirk, and Log huddle in corner, whispering. Log then nerve-pinches Amy.*

Spock: Yay! How can I ever repay you!

Kat, Kirk, and Log: Well...

Spock: Forget I said that.

Kat, Kirk, and Log: No.

Spock: Illogical!

Kat, Kirk, and Log: SQUEEEEEEEE!

Spock: These fangirls are crazy...

*Sasuke is headbutted in by the unicorns.*

Sasuke: Damn unicorns... It could be worse. You could have a crazed stalker log that you keep confusing for people that you can never defeat.

Spock: Ummm... well... about that...

Log: Spocky!

Sasuke: Argh! Log!

Kat and Molly: *Start singing log song.*

Sasuke: Argh! No! Make it go away!

Spock: I don't suppose you have a really annoying blonde person who follows you around and is supposed to be the important one but just goes around wearing a tutu all day and makes you do all the work?

Sasuke: OK... This is just freaky. Although I've never caught mine wearing a tutu before. I think I do have it worse than you. My fangirls all think we're gay.

Kirk: Spocky!

Spock: Depressingly, so do mine.

Kat, Kirk, and Log: Spocky!

*Spock's log peers through evil crossover vortex of doom, and spots Sasuke's log.*

Logs: (in loggish) Yayness! Another log!

Spock and Sasuke: Argh! Two of them!

*Sakura bursts out of vortex.* Don't worry, Sasuke! I'll save you from the logs!

*Naruto follows, clinging onto her ponytail.* NO! That's my job! I'll save you Sasuke!

Sakura: Mine!

Naruto: Mine!

Sakura: Mine!

Naruto: Mine!

Sakura: Mine!

Naruto: Mine!

Sakura: Mine!

Naruto: Mine!

Sasuke:*Ninja nerve-pinches them.* See ya! *Jumps back into vortex, pointedly leaving Sakura and Naruto behind.*

Spock: No way! I don't want more fangirls! Or Kirk-lookalikes, whether they wear tutus or not! Back into the vortex! Or wall! Or whatever! * Vortex has now turned into a one-foot tall brick wall.* Back into the wall! Now!

*Sakura and Naruto trip over one foot tall brick wall, and disappear.*

Spock: I hate Tuesdays.

* * *

**Molly: But it's Monday...**

**Kat: Have you stopped yelling yet?**

**Molly: My voice hurts now so ye-**

**Kat: She will stop yelling if you review!**

**Immy: *steals Spock while Kat is busy trying to get people to review* My Spocky now! *is nerve-pinched***

**Spock: Finally! I am free! *runs away to find somewhere more logical where there are no crazy people***

**Kat: Nooo! *chases***

**Immy: *wakes up* My Spock-senses are tingling! *also chases***

**Molly: ... This is why I am not a fangirl.**


	29. Chapter 33 and 34

**Kat: Where's Molly gone?**

**Spock: I think she finally ran away.**

**Molly: *falls from the sky* Hello I just came from Pigfarts!**

**Kat&Immy: ...**

**Molly: It's on Mars, and the headmaster, Rumbleroar, is a talking lion!**

**Spock: Illogical, lions do not talk, and no-one can survive on Mars as there is no atmosphere.**

**Molly: That's why you always have to wear your spacesuit. By the way, I'm not Jack Atlas any more!**

**Kat: Are you someone even more loud and annoying?**

**Spock: Is it possible for there to be someone both louder and more annoying than Molly at the same time?  
**

**Kat: *yells in Spock's ear* OMG! It's SPOCK! *glomps. Is nerve-pinched. Sleep-glomps.***

* * *

Molly: Hey look they left Clucky behind!

Kat: I want Clucky! *Picks up Clucky.*

Molly: Hey no fair! You have Spock to fangirl over; you don't need a chicken as well!

Kat: Yes I do.

Spock: Hey does this mean she's gonna be less fangirly?

Kat: Hell no. I'm gonna convert Clucky to being a Spock fanchicken!

Clucky: Nooo! *Runs away.*

Molly: Hmmm... *Types "Go chickens!" into YouTube 3 times. Poof! Chicken appears.* Hey I got a chicken! I'm gonna call you Muffin! *A muffin magically appears in Molly's hand.* Ohhh!

Penguin: Moooo? (Translation: Where did you get that muffin from?)

Molly: Muffin button.

Doctor: But there is no muffin button.

Molly: Then where did I get this muffin?

Blue unicorn: Shhh! You'll wake the omoo!

Molly: Did the omoo give me the muffin?

Pink unicorn: Get on the duck!

Kat: What duck?

Chekov: Zee Chekov shaped duck, zee nuclear wessel!

Duck: Quack.

Doctor: How come I didn't notice that

Chekov: Nuclear wessel! Target is... penguins! Charge!

Duck: Quaaack!

Penguins: Moooo!

*Duck pushes penguins out of TARDIS.*

Muffin: Muffin!

Molly: Carbuncle!

Kat: Oh please don't let us be in In the Night Garden again!

Doctor: No, I think we've landed on something, if it was in the night garden then it would probably have been censored.

Kat: *Opens door.* We've landed on candy mountain!

Molly: Yay! Candy mountain!

Blue unicorn: Don't talk to the weasel!

Kat: ? Wut?

Pink unicorn: Don't talk to the weasel!

Muffin: What weasel?

Charlie: They are the weasels!

Kat: Gah! Where did you come from?

Blue unicorn: Fool, I am the weasel!

Charlie: Told you

Pink unicorn: Save me Charlie! I'm melting! Nyeh! Nyeh!

* * *

**Molly: Kat.**

**Kat: Derp?**

**Molly: I came, to this city...**

**Kat: But we're not in a city, we're in the internet.**

**Spock: Ensign Richards, do you know where the internet is?**

**Kat: No...**

**Molly: ...To bring you a message.**

**Kat: Molly, did you steal the internet and fill it with candyfloss again?**

**Molly: Card games on motorcycles!**

**Kat: No! You're not doing that again! Next chapter! Now! By me so it's awesomesauce.**

**Molly: Me to.**

**Kat: No, just me.**

* * *

Spock: I HATE THESE UNICORNS!

Kirk: Fire photon torpedoes!

Chekov: Keptin, we are no longer on a wessel that has photon torpedoes.

Doctor: Yes we are! This TARDIS is state of the art! See! *Fires "photon torpedoes" at unicorns. Unicorns explode.*

Chekov: Zey were not photon torpedoes! Zis wessel is not nuclear! Zoze were phasers!

Doctor: Hmph.

Chekov: You also do not have randomly exploding red-shirt rubber ducks armed with tribbles. This ship is officially useless.

Doctor: Hey!

Kirk: Amy's been strangely quiet recently.

Amy: Zomfg! Spocky!

*Log whacks Amy over head with nearest available object.* My Spocky.

Spocky: Ow! I think I have concussionses...

Kat: It didn't miss, did it! Oh Spocky!

Spock: No. It used me to hit her over the head.

Kirk: Oh no! Bonesy! You have to help! Spocky has concussionses! He needs a plaster!

Bones: A plaster? What the hell Jim?

Kirk: Noooo! He's bleeding! Bandages! Quick! And one of those starship plasters with the ducks on it you always give me when I fall over!

Kat: I always get ones with pictures of Spock on them, provided I don't go hyper til I'm out of sickbay.

Kirk: Bonesy! You have plasters with pictures of Spock on them, and you didnt tell me! How could you! I thought you were my friend! Waaaaahhhh!

Molly: Pretty! What's all this green stuff! Hehehe! If I poke Spock, more of it appears! Heh! Spock is a green stuff button!

Amy *Wakes up.*: My head... ouchies... don't poke Spocky! Only I can do that!

*Is tackled to floor and knocked out by rest of fangirls.*

Kat: Don't poke Spocky, Molly! The green stuff's his blood!

Molly: Question mark?

Bones: Why do you think I keep calling him the green blooded hobgoblin?

Molly: Ummm... Cause you're jealous of his ears?

Kirk, Kat, and Log: Ahhh... Spocks ears...

*Bones stabs Molly with a hypospray that makes her face go purple.*

Kirk: Hehehehehe! She looks like Kat does after running away from crazed natives now!

Kirk: Ow!

Spock: Fascinating! Kirk goes ow when I poke him! Rubber duck! Can I have some ice cream Bonesy?

Bones: NO! This concussion is more serious than I thought...

* * *

**Molly: did you guess it?**

**Kat: How were we meant to do that?**

**Molly: By watching the same random stuff I do!**

**Kat: NEVER! STAR TREK RULES! SPOCKY! *slow-motion flies through the air before glomping Spock***

**Spock: ILLOGICAL!**

**Molly: In this page, I count at least 4 references to things.**

**Kat&Spock: *ignore***

**Molly: Meh. Review and I'll make a (long) list of where some of my references came from!**


	30. Chapter 35, 36 and 37

**Kat: Hey Molly! Molly? MOOOOLLLLLLYYYYY!**

**Molly: Huh?**

**Kat: Guess what day it is today!**

**Molly: Nothing special happens today.**

**Kat: Oh but it does!**

**Molly: Nothing special happens today.**

**Kat: It is... K/S day!**

**Spock: I find this illogical, these two letter could mean any number of things...**

**Kat: Oh Spocky...**

**Molly: Is this by me? I've lost track of which bit is next...** (i really have!)

* * *

Kat: Ahhh! This means Spock is reliving when half of him was human!

Kirk: That means he's my Spocky! I got the human one, remember.

Pink unicorn: The only way to save him is to finish our snowman!

Kat: To the snowman! *Cue batman music.*

Molly: Wait, how does a snowman help people get better?

Kat: I don't know, but it might work, so we must try it!

Blue unicorn: Yay! Snowman!

Doctor: Didnt I blow those unicorns up?

Molly: The unicorns are invincible!

Kirk: Yay! Pwettiful unicorns! *Throws apple at pink unicorn.*

Blue unicorn: We gotta be sneaky!

Pink unicorn: Yeah! Ouch! Sneaky! *Both unicorns start floating around singing.*

Bones: We have to stay with these things? I'm not going to survive!

Kirk: No! We don't have to!

Spock: Marshmallows! Where is the bunny?

Kirk: Bunny? WHERE?

Muffin: Follow me! *Walks out of TARDIS.*

Molly: No Muffin! Come back! *Follows Muffin.*

Doctor: No! Come back into the TARDIS! *Everyone ignores him.* Fine! Be that way!

*Spock starts drawing smiley faces on the floor in green.*

Spock: Lalalalala!

Log: Moo!

Spock: YAY! TO MUFFINS! *Runs out of TARDIS.*

* * *

**Kat: *pulls party popper* Yay spirk!**

**Molly: But spork sounds better!**

**Spock: Why have a day for an eating utensil?**

**Kat: Oh Spocky...**

**Molly: You are the farthest ever in space.**

**Immy: Why me space?**

**Molly: Because you are the best.**

**Immy: I'm the best at space?**

**Spock: If Immy is the best at space she must know many interesting facts, I should follow her and find out what they are!**

**Kat: NOOOOO!**

* * *

Kat: I propose we follow Muffin.

Molly: I agree with Kat (for once).

Chekov: Did you know unicorns were a Russian inwention, as were muffins?

All: DIE RUSSIA!

Chekov: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Kirk: (Singing) We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz...

Molly: Argh! No! Stop! My eardrums! I like my eardrums!

Kat: Come on! *Kat, Kirk, Molly, and Chekov skip off after Spock and Muffin. Sulu follows Chekov; Uhura despairs and follows them to make sure they don't get into too much trouble, doomed before she even starts, and the Doctor and Bones cease squabbling to follow. Amy wakes up, finds she is miraculously cured of her Spock fangirlism, and follows the doctor, singing about logs.*

Spock: Argh! No! The unicorns are following us! Please make them go away!

Kirk: Don't worry Spocky! I'll save you! Unicorns! Die!

Unicorns: Cream cheese!

* * *

**Molly: Reference time!**

**Kat: No! It's a special day, no references allowed!**

**Molly: ... On motorcycles...**

**Spock: Yes! The most logical way to escape from fangirls would be on a high velocity form of transportation! Now which vehicle would be the most logical? ...**

**Molly: ... A peepy squirrel...**

**Spock: It all makes perfect sense...**

**Kat: Oh no! Molly what have you done!**

* * *

Muffin: Follow me! *Walks off cliff.*

Molly: No! Muffin! *Runs off cliff after Muffin.*

Kat: I'm not following Muffin now! *Tries to walk away, but turns, trips over an imaginary stone, grabs onto Spock in an attempt to save herself, and falls off the cliff, dragging Spock with her. Kirk and the stalker log grab onto Spock and get dragged off as well.*

Kat, Kirk and Log: Ahhh!

Spock: Whheeee! This is fun

Uhura: Oh look they fell.

Chekov: Does this mean we're the main characters of Star Trek now?

Uhura: No way! I'm the main character!

Doctor: Do I have to remind you that youre still in Dr Who. At least, I think we are...

Amy: ?

Doctor: Well, the Doctor seems to know less and less about what's going on as more series come out!

Muffin: Follow me!

Amy: Doctor, where did that come from?

Uhura: Ahhh! A ghost! *Hides behind rock.*

Muffin: Muffins ahoy!

Chekov: Did the chicken say muffins?

Uhura: *Reappears.* Muffins? Gimme! *Runs off cliff.*

Chekov: Another one...

-With the others...-

Molly: *Lands on ground.* Ouch!

Kat: Ahhhhhhhh! Oof!

Kirk: Ouch! I landed on the log!

Log: Get off me!

Spock: Wahh! Katty! My arm hurts!

Muffin: Follow me!

Molly: Ok

Kat: Youre still gonna follow the chicken?

Muffin: Muffins ahoy!

Molly: It's Muffin! Muffin would never hurt us!

*Unicorns appear.*

Unicorns: Do not talk to the weasel! Muffin is the weasel!

Kirk: I thought you were the weasels!

Kat: *Shrugs.* It makes about as much sense as everything else they say.

Uhura: *Lands.* Where are the muffins?

Muffin: Follow me!

Spock: Muffins! Where?

Kirk: Yayness! Muffins!

Log: Muffins are awesome!

Kat: Has everyone forgotten what happened last time we followed Muffin? We ran off a cliff!

Kirk: *Pouts.* You dragged me off the cliff!

Spock: And me!

Log: Log!

Kat: But still... *Tries and fails to tell the others not to follow Muffin. Others do not listen and are too busy doing a Congo and singing "Muffin muffin muffin!" Kat joins the end of the line. Chekov, Amy and Doctor land, stare at them for a moment, then join in.*

Unicorns: Nooo! *Explode. Again.*

* * *

**Molly: ... Who got that space reference? Hey wait I forgot to do a list of references, oh well, people can wait...**

**Immy: SPAAAAAAAACE! :D**

**Charlie: *huge gasp then very quietly* yay  
**

**Molly: I am surrounded by bronies...**

**Kat: Oh Spocky!**

**Spock: What?**

**Kat: Don't you think that K/S is the best!**

**Molly: *cough cough* TAKUTO/SUAGATA *cough cough***

**Spock: What is this *pause* "K-S", it sounds fascinating...**

**Kirk: I can show you Spocky! Follow me!**

**Kat: No! Follow me!**

**Molly: correction: I am surrounded by crazy people...**

**Kat: Review or no more Spocky because he has been abducted by Kirk!**

**Spock fangirls (because apparently they exist): GASP!  
**


	31. Chapter 38 and 39

**Molly: Glitter... *giggles*  
**

**Kat: Ehehe...**

**Spock: Uh oh... She's planning something...**

**Kat: Wako's fantasies... *giggles***

**Molly: Bath scenes... *giggles***

**Kat: Which one?**

**Molly: All of them!**

**Kat: Ehehehehehe! *arm flails***

**Spock: *hit in the face by Kat's arm* Ouch! What? Why are you doing that! Illogical!**

**Kat: Squeeeeee~~~~ *glomps Spock***

**Molly: *giggles* I think Kat wrote this bit... That's a big "think"...**

* * *

Spock: Yayness! The unicorns exploded!

Molly: Yay!

Kat: Awesomesauce!

Kirk: Yayness!

Uhura: Spock's already said that!

Kirk: Dammit.

Bones: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a parachute! *Chekov and Amy use Bones as parachute to get down cliff. Doctor jumps after Amy.*

Bones, Chekov, and Amy: Ouch!

Doctor: *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**OW!

Kat: Fascinating. Even I didnt know some of those ones. What do they mean?

Uhura: I am not telling you. You are thirteen.

Molly: What about me?

Uhura: No. you're fourteen.

Chekov: I am sewenteen!

Uhura: I know. Which is still not old enough to drink wodka, or to hear what that long line of stars actually meant.

Kirk: What about me?

Uhura: You have a mental age of about 0. So, no.

Spock: Me?

Uhura: No!

Spock: Why not?

Kat and Kirk: Go on, tell Spocky!

Uhura: No way. He also appears to have a mental age of 2 at the moment.

Log: Tell Spocky.

Uhura: Argh! Ok!

Spocky: ?

Kat, Kirk, and Log: What did she say Spocky?

Spocky: I dunno?

Molly: But I wanted to know what it meant... waah...

Kat: There, there Molly. It's all gonna be ok. It probably means something like beep. They haven't actually told us what that translated as yet, but apparently we don't want to know.

Bones: Argh! God! No! Not beep! Please don't mention it again! I'm quite fond of what little I have left of my sanity!

Kat: See.

Molly: I understand. If we threaten to lock him in the joint cupboard, he might tell us.

Kat: That wasn't what I meant. But it sounds a good plan.

Molly: Noooo, noooo, do you want me to throw the ducky cup at you?

Doctor: Argh! No! I'll tell you everything!

Molly: Good. Now, what did those words you were saying earlier mean?

Doctor: I dunno?

Kat: It seems we have a long way to go. Let's look it up on Wikipedia!

Molly: Ok! Do you have the internet?

Kat: No, but Spock's brain has all of Wikipedia stored in it, that's how he knows everything.

Molly: Cool! So, how are we going to get to this, given Spock's brain has turned to jelly.

Kat: *Unzips and inspects Spock's brain.* no it hasn't. It's turned to marshmallows.

Molly: That's still no good.

Kat: Well, there's always the section in my head.

Molly: But isn't that mostly marshmallows and washing up liquid?

Kat: Yup! Except it's hard to perform brain surgery on yourself. We'll have to get an expert in. I don't trust anyone here except Spock, and now he's gone strange too.

Molly: He was already strange.

*A doughnut shaped inter-dimensional crossover vortex of doom appears under a rock and Sylar steps out, looking confused.*

Sylar: You called?

Kat: Ah yes. We need an expert brain surgeon other than me.

Spock: Hey! He looks kinda like me!

All others: Not really.

Sylar: Aha! Marshmallow brains! They're yummy!

Kat: No! Not my marshmallow pie with 5 dimensional squirty cream!

Sylar: I was talking about the shiny haired dude with the pointy ears.

Kat, Kirk, and Log: Not Spocky!

Sylar: Argh! A log! Fine.

Kat, Kirk, and Log: Yayness!

Kat: Anyways, we were wondering if you would be able to extract the Wikipedia article on *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**OW! In the Spock+marshmallows+washing-up-liquid section of my brain?

Sylar: Did you mention something about marshmallow pie with 5 dimensional squirty cream?

Kat: I need that! No! You may not eat anyone's brains, and Kirk's empty space inside his over-inflated head is highly toxic. Spock accidentally found that out once while drunk and thinking that he was a humpback whale or a pot plant, we're not quite sure.

Sylar: So, basically, you want me, Sylar, to perform some very difficult brain surgery, for free.

Molly: Not exactly. If you do exactly as we say, we won't set the log on you. That's plenty of payment. Tell him, Sasuke.

Sasuke: *Pops head out of doughnut.* yup! Argh! Log!

Sylar: Fine. *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**OW! Translates as eyjafjallajokul. Can I go now?

Molly: Yes. Say hi to Adam and Helen, and warn him not to try and dump her again.

*Sylar sprints towards doughnut, and once he has left, all hear a cry of 'oh crap! Naruto-land! Argh! Logs!'.*

Kat: Isn't that the name of the Icelandic volcano?

Chekov: Icelandic wolcanoes were a Russian inwention! Keptin! Ze Klingons are attacking! Zey hawe their own nuclear wessels!

* * *

**Spock: What happened in the last A/N?**

**Elinor: Star Driver-**

**Molly: -Kagayaki no Takuto!**

**Elinor: -They've been giggling about it for a week now...**

**Spock: At least Kat's doing something other than stalking me now...**

**Kat: Awesomesauce bath scenes!**

**Molly: SugaTaku FTW!**

**Kat: But there is a better pairing in existance! *stares pointedly at Spock and Kirk***

**Spock: ...?**

**Kirk: Spocky! :D**

**Spock: Oh no...  
**

* * *

Molly: Hey wait weren't Klingons attacking in the first one?

Kat: *Shrugs.* same Klingons, but they had to wait for Chekov to say something Klingon-related before they attacked

Molly: But what about...

Kat: That was you, only you were pretending to be Chekov

Molly: ... oh yeah...

Chekov: But I am the only true Chekow!

Kat: ... what other Chekovs would there be?

Chekov: There is no Chekow! There is only Chekow

Kat: Ummm... Chekow?

Chekov: Yes

Kat: But what other... Chekow... would there be?

Chekov: Cosplayers!

Kat: But that's only at conventions!

Chekov: So...?

Kat: They don't count!

Molly: Are you saying cosplayers aren't people?

Kat: No, but...

Molly: I bet youre part of an anti-cosplayer movement or something!

Kat: No I'm not!

Molly: Prove it!

Kat: I tried to get Mini to cosplay that one time! And I want a Spock (fangirl) cosplay kit!

Molly: Oh yeah... my bad!

Chekov: The Klingons are still attacking! And we hawe no nuclear wessels or spontaneously Imploding/exploding red-shirt rubber ducks! Unless the Doctor has some!

Bones: DammitJim! I'm a doctor, not a red-shirt rubber duck collector!

Kat: Wrong doctor.

Bones: ... I knew that!

Doctor: I do collect rubber ducks, but they're all in the TARDIS which is at the top of that cliff

Amy: Well you're a great help

Muffin: Follow me! *Goes into secret tunnel.*

Kat: How did we miss that?

Muffin: Because I am Muffin! Follow me! I show the way to muffins!

Spock: Yaysies! *All follow Muffin.*

Kat: Hey! *All stop.* Why hasn't Kirk said anything in this bit yet?

Molly: We gagged him off-screen

Kat: It's much simpler that way

*All nod.*

Molly: And I couldn't be bothered to give him any dialogue

Muffin: Follow me! *All follow Muffin again.*

* * *

**Kat: ... But then again Kirk and Spock don't have bath scenes...**

**Molly: Or an equivalent of Wako's fantasies.**

**Kat: But Kirk and Spock are better together, cause it's the best pairing.**

**Molly: No.**

**Kat: B-b-b-but...**

**Molly: Shizumi is far superior, even if Nezumi is stupid.**

**Kat: ... Right...**

**Molly: I like penguins...**

**Kat: Penguins are cute!**

**Spock: But you need to prove it with science first!**

**Kat: *Hands Spock a penguin* There, proved!**

**(Cause I don't feel like explaining it...)**


	32. Chapter 40, 41 and 42 Yay 42

**Kat: We're back!**

**Spock: What? We never went anywhere, so how could we come back when- *glomped***

**Molly: Guess what? Kat's somewhat recovered from SugaTaku (meaning she doesn't giggle about it as much)**

**Spock: *sarcasm* Oh joy...**

**All: *gasping* Gasp!**

**Spock: I mean, ILLOGICAL!**

**Kat: Oh Spocky... *nerve-pinched***

* * *

Klingons: Hey! What about us!

Bones: Argh! What do we do? Kirk's the one in charge of defending the ship against Klingons! I don't wanna die!

Spock: Actually I usually nerve pinch him and take charge of the ship, so we don't all die.

Bones: Right. But we have no ship! What are we going to do? We're all gonna die!

Kat: Klingons! Listen!

Klingons: Aye?

Kat: We have a log, and we are not afraid to use it!

Klingons: A log, ye say lassie?

Molly: Why are they all talking like Scotty?

Bones: I dunno.

Kat: Aye, a log.

Molly: Why's she talking like Scotty?

Bones: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not Wikipedia! I don't know!

Log: Hey! What makes you assume I'm going to attack the Klingons for you?

Kat: Ummm...

Molly: They might hurt Spocky. Argh! I don't believe I just said that. It sounds so wrong! How do these fangirls bear it? Fangirls are crazy. I do not understand their brains.

Log: Nooo! You shall not hurt Spocky!

Klingons: And why, pray tell us, should we be afeared of this log ye talk of, lassie?

Molly: They seem to be talking like pirates now.

Kat: Maybe these ones found a book about pirates instead of the complete works of William Shakespeare like some of them did. They converted it into an opera. It was painful, even when completely drunk on romulan ale.

Klingons: Did ye mention the holy pirates? You don't happen to have pirates of the Caribbean 2, do ye? We hear it has some very funny scenes involving a rotating alcohol wheel.

Kat: Ummm... *To Molly* I think these ones found len-len's version pirates of the curry-bean, then.

Molly: Aye.

Kat: *to Klingons* We do not have this curry-bean ye speak of, but we do have a log, which has a warp drive powered by hyper-reproducing tribbles.

Klingons: Argh! Tribbles! We shall be leaving at once! Retreat!

Muffin: Have a nice day!

Molly: Muffin! Those are Klingons! You don't have to be polite to Klingons.

Muffin: Oh.

Molly: So where are the muffins?

Muffin: This way!

Kat: I like cookies.

Spock: Marshmallows are yummy.

Kat: Spock? Were you just eating your brain?

Spock: Umm...

* * *

**Molly: *throws bucket of water on Kat's face***

**Kat: *wakes up* GYAH!**

**Spock: Why did you do that?**

**Molly: Ahaha... For giggles... Why do I do anything?**

**Spock: *evil, wait no, normal, face* Your death will be slow and painful!**

**Molly: Pff! Details... *walks off to find Yullen***

**Kat: Spocky! *glomps***

**Spock: Your death will be slower and more painful!**

**Kat: But Spocky, I'm immortal! How else do I survive until the 23rd century?**

**Spock: *doomed***

* * *

Spock: What am I doing here?

Kat: Were following muffin. BONESY! What happened?

Bones: For once I can help. I think hes got more concussions from eating some of his own brain.

Spock: Yum! This stuff is yummy!

Molly: Actually he's just found a giant candy-floss-and-marshmallow flavoured chuppa-chupp.

Kat: I still like cookies!

Molly: I like cake!

Kat: Cookies!

Molly: Cake!

Kat: Cake!

Molly: Cookies!

Kat: Awesomesauce!

Molly: Yay!

Kat: AWESOMESAUCE!

Molly: YAY!

Kat: COOKIES!

Molly: CAKE!

Log: SPOCKY!

*Silence.*

Muffin: Follow me!

Spock: ZOMFG! A TALKING CHICKEN!

Muffin: You may have the great privilege of calling me Muffin!

Spock: It talks!

Muffin: My name is Muffin!

Spock: Heh heh... muffin...

* * *

**Last time, in the A/N...**

_**Kat: But Spocky, I'm immortal! How else do I survive until the 23rd century?**_

_**Spock: *doomed***_

**And now, this!**

***A bucket of ripped up bits of paper fall on Kat's head. She trips over one of them***

**Kat: Argh! *falls into lamppost***

**Molly: *walks back in* Why is there a lamppost on the Enterprise?**

**Kat: We're not on the Enterprise!**

**Molly: *Gasp* Then are we at The Black Order? Or the White Ark? Or the Black Ark for that matter...  
**

**Spock: *half-squashed under a doormat and bunch of giant bananas that just fell from the sky* I think you'll find we're on the internet.**

**Molly: Yay! Me go find people & co. now, 'kay?**

**Kat + Spock: *Blank stares***

**Molly: Yaaaaayy! *runs off again***

* * *

Uhura: Am I the only one who's not completely tripping?

*Sulu hands her a shoe, and she begins smoking it.*

Uhura: Evidently not.

Chekov: Nuclear wessels!

Spock: ET phone home!

Chekov: Keptin! The nuclear wessels are attacking!

Kirk: Attacking? Nuclear wessels? Where? BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!

*All materialise in transporter room.*

Scotty: Ah've been waiting fer ye te say that fer three days! What were ye doing down there?

Spock: I am not quite sure.

Bones: Me neither. Argh! I just agreed with the hobgoblin! Argh! What's happening?

Kirk: I dunno. Has Spock got his brain back?

Spock: It would appear to be so.

Kat: Yay!

Kirk: Dammit.

Bones: Hey! I'm the Dammit Jim Guy!

Kirk: Hmph *Gets hypoed.* Ouch!

Kat: I think it involved Alice in Wonderland...

Chekov: That was a long time ago...

Molly: In a galaxy far, far away...

Kat: So basically. We just have to worry about all the other April fool's day traps set up now.

Uhura: Yup.

Chekov: And Klingons!

Kirk: Who could forget the Klingons?

Chekov: You! Keptin! The Klingons are attacking!

* * *

**Kat: And we end on a cliffhanger!**

**Molly: Is it a cliffhanger?**

**Kat: It's an ending. Maybe not a cliff but definitely a bit slopey.**

**Molly: Really?**

**Kat: Yes.**

**Molly: Really really?**

**Spock: That isn't a question...**

**Wilfred: *lands next to Spock* Beansprout to the rescue! *grabs Spock and flies off***

**Kat: Noooooo! Spock-girl powers activate! *puts on super-hero mask and cape and flies off after Wilfred***


	33. Chapters 43-49 (I think)

**Molly: Rawr I have returned from beyond the grave to update this thing!**

**Many multiple people: *smacks Molly on the head*  
**

**Molly: *splat* Ahaha I don't even remember what was going on in this story...  
**

**Kat: That was silly of you.  
**

**Molly: Do you remember?  
**

**Kat: Nope!  
**

**Molly: Exactly. Anyways~ Now I'm going to rant a bit because it's the 2nd of November today which means happy birthday Ishida Akira!  
**

**Everyone else: ?  
**

**Molly: My favourite ****seiyuu, ****he has a very fabulous voice, he voices the best characters, yes yes fabulous... *rambles*  
**

**Elinor: Anyone know what she's talking about?  
**

**Kat: Just smile and nod. It'll end eventually.  
**

**Molly: So because I can't manage original and my brains are feels everywhere, for these little chapter break thingys, I'll put some quotes from some characters he voices. *is smacked on the head by everyone again* I REGRET NOTHING!  
**

* * *

Kat: You shouldn't have said that!

Chekov: Why?

Kat: They only attack when you say something Klingon-related... Why are the doctor and Amy still here?

Doctor: You kinda cameoed on our TV show, so we get to cameo in yours.

Molly: We didn't want to cameo! Blame... Spock! He's science department, ask him why he had a button that put you into TV shows. *All shudder at memory of In The Night Garden.*

Muffin: Nooo! We can no longer reach muffins!

Spock: Muffins? Where?

Molly: You like muffins? ...

Kat: Nooo! I fangirl over Spock because he is so cool! And he is cool because he has no emotions! But now he likes something... he has EMOTIONS! *Starts crying in a corner.* Why? Why?

Kirk: *Also crying in corner.* BONES! Why is this happening to Spocky?

Log: *Also crying in corner.* Ditto

Bones: DammitJim! I'm a doctor! Not a brain care specialist!

Spock: You mean jelly care specialist!

Kat: His brain is still jelly? Awesomesauce! Now I just have to put in some washing-up liquid, and marshmallows, and he'll be ok!

Doctor: Ummm... wouldn't I be able to do the brain/marshmallow/jelly/washing-up liquid/whatever the hell else is in Spocks head transplant? I think it would be safer, for everyone involved. And everyone not involved.

Kat: But I'm fangirl! Fangirls know best!

Kirk: Yes we do!

Molly: I thought you were a fanboy?

Kirk: I act more like a fangirl

Molly: *To log.* I thought you were a fanlog

Log: Fanlog=fangirl!

Kirk: The log knows maths!

Log: Log times 2 = log squared!

Kat: Good! And what is Spock - Spock?

Log: WAAAAHHHH! *Cries in corner again.*

Spock: Ouch!

Kat: Doctor! Why are you doing Spock's brain thingie?

Doctor: Ummm... *Hides sonic screwdriver behind back.* I'm not doing anything...

Spock: Ouch!

Kat: You hurt Spocky!

Kirk: You hurt Spocky!

Log: Ditto!

Spocky: My head feels like orange...

Kat, Kirk and Log: Noooo! (Insert 23 pages of !s here) Spocky!

Kat: Let me do the brain surgery!

Spock: Who r u? :(

Kirk: He's talking in text-speak!

Spock: Ouch dude!

Kat: Uh oh...

Spock: Roflmao! Tutu!

Kirk: It's so pwettiful! *Pirouettes.*

Spock: LOL!

Kat: He's been internet-ified!

* * *

**"Are you going to finish that?" *points at slice of cake. Then smushes the cake to death with a fork while talking about plot-related stuff. Then eats thirty-something sugar cubes.***

* * *

Kat, Kirk, and Log: Argh! We must save Spocky! 'Tis an emergency!

Bones: Dammit.

*Silence.*

Bones: Ummm... Jim.

Klingons: What about us?

Kat: If you don't save Spocky, we'll set the log on you!

Log: *Looks threatening.*

Kirk: Log no jutsu!

*Log whacks Kirk over the head, unfortunately not rendering him unconscious.*

Klingons: Uhh... We'll save Spocky!

Spock: Uhh bro. It's, like elephant *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

(The remainder of that sentence has been censored to protect all readers, writers, and innocent bystanders from the terrible effects of being in a room with an internet-ified person)

*Brains fall out of ears of all within 50 mile radius.*

Bones: DAMMIT JIM! I used up all my brain bleach yesterday!

All: What... No!

Spock: Mmmmm... pon farr...

Bones: What?

Kat: You don't want to know. Really.

Bones: What is it?

Kat: You really don't.

Bones: Fine. I'll look it up on Wikipedia.

Kat + Spock: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Kirk: Are there any pictures? I like the pwettiful pictures

Doctor: Argh!

Bones: What this time?

Doctor: I just looked it up on Wikipedia.

Kat and Spock: We told you not to! ***A/N from Kat: To all readers: Do not look this up on Wikipedia.***

Doctor: I think I'm going to throw up.

*Throws up on Bones. Bones hyposprays him into oblivion.*

Bones: DAMMIT JIM! I HATE YOU!

Kirk: What did I do?

Bones: Everything.

Klingons: Can we please borrow some brain-bleach? We saw the doctor's Wikipedia search, and some of the pictures, and would rather we had not.

Bones: I've told you already! I've used all my brain-bleach! Do you have any Romulan ale?

Klingons: No.

Molly: We could ask the Romulans.

Romulans: We will not give you our Romulan ale.

Molly: We'll show you the Wikipedia article. With the pictures.

Kirk: Ooooh! Can I see the pictures!

Romulans: *Beam aboard all their supplies of Romulan ale, and run away, warp factor 11.*

Kirk: Yay! Romulan ale!

Spock: Logical.

Kat: Yay! He's back to normal!

Kirk: Dammit. Err... Jim.

*All tackle Kirk, tie him up, and gag him.*

Kirk: Mmmmmmmh mmmhhmhhm nhmhmhmhm

Spock: Romulan ale. Yum.

Kat: XD

Molly: XP

Doctor: Have you two been internet-ified too? Cause I don't want to ruin this bow tie even more by throwing up on it again. And I think the doctor here will probably kill me.

Bones: Damn right I will

Kat and Molly: No, we're just drunk. Don't worry.

Bones: Good.

All: :) Alcohol...

Spock:! C2H5OH! (The Vulcan translation)

* * *

***Cue epicest music in entire series* "An observer is created only to observe, but it will be different from now on. I will change the future by my own will. Even if you've controlled all of my actions up to now, I will now determine what happens next! I'm going to save him!"**

* * *

Spock: I'm tooooootaaaallly drunk right now

Molly: Wtf?

Kat: Wut?

Molly: Clickie pens ftw!

Kat: No, Clucky ftw!

Molly: Cake ftw!

Kat: Yes, and cookies ftw!

Kirk: Wut?

Log: Ftw=for the win!

Kat: Basically means awesomesauce

Molly: Only without the sauce

Spock: Logic ftw!

Molly: Shut up.

* * *

**"Your reasoning is quite sound."**

***said by little puppet thing on his shoulder using ventriloquist magic* "Unlike a certain stupid rabbit!"  
**

**"Now, now. Don't just blurt out the truth, Emily."**

* * *

Bones: No comprendo.

Klingons: Me neither.

Molly: Cake.

Klingons: Still not getting it.

Kat: Ummm... *Begins to recite in Irish accent* Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo...

Klingons: Ah! We understand! You know Shakespeare too! Have you read it in the original Klingon?

Chekov: Shakespeare was a Russian inwention!

*Klingons stun Chekov.*

Kat: Ummm... no... Only Scottish and Irish. I can't pronounce Klingon.

Romulans: *singing* Hey! What about us!

Bones: Oh god. Opera singing hobgoblins.

Spock and Romulans: ROMULANS! NOT VULCANS!

Bones: Uhh... Sorry!

Spock and Romulans: You had better be.

Kirk: Do Romulans get po- *Is tackled by all and gagged.*

Kirk: Mmmmhf mhhmhmhhmhhm mhmhmhmhmhhmh (Translation: We could look it up on Wikipedia?)

Molly: So, we have Shakespeare quoting Klingons, rather than Scottish pirate ones or opera singing ones, but we do have opera singing Romulans. Great.

Romulans: What about we put on a joint operatic production of Shakespeare in the original Klingon.

Klingons (in British accents): Yes! That sounds excellent!

Enterprise: Uhh... we'll just leave you to it then.

* * *

**"In truth, death may be the only true freedom there is."**

**(Other character) "I don't understand what you're talking about."**

******"This is my wish. Please, destroy me."**  


* * *

Muffin (yes Muffin is still here): Oh no!

Kat: What?

Muffin: Dead end!

Kat: That's a broom cupboard.

Muffin: There is no difference between those things to the great prophet and muffin-seeker muffin, ruler of all! Bow down before the supreme chicken of great and terrible muffin-ness!

Molly: I thought Kat was supreme?

Muffin: I am ultimately supreme.

Kat: Are you as supreme as Helen?

Muffin: That is not humanly or chickenly possible

Spock: What about half-Vulcanly possible?

Muffin: It is not possible. But this is all beside the point, there are no muffins here!

Kat: To the kitchen!

*Muffin runs off to the kitchen. Kat follows dragging Spock. Kirk randomly pulls out a toboggan and sits on it. He grabs onto Spock and lets himself be dragged along.*

All: To muffins, and beyond! *Charge to kitchen.*

Doctor: What about us?

Amy: Let's just go back to Doctor Who. *Both leave.*

* * *

**Other character "I wanted to go to a theme park just once."**

**"So that's why you went to get hit by my bike?"  
**

**...  
**

**"But there's one thing that confuses me."  
**

**Other character "What's that?"  
**

**"Why did you steal the seat off my bike?"  
**

* * *

*All enter kitchen, and find themselves knee-deep in pancake mix.*

Spock: Kirk? What happened this time?

Kirk: Hey! It wasn't actually me!

Bones: Ensign Richards? Tang? Richards the younger? Demmar-Waters?

Kat: Ummm... well...

*Pancake falls on Uhura's head.*

Uhura: DIE IN A FIRE!

Spock: Oooh! Do you know any other ways to swear in Vulcan?

Chekov: Did you know the Wulcan language was a Russian inwention?

*Spock nerve-pinches Chekov before he can say that Wulcan nerwe pinches are also a Russian inwention.*

Bones: Ummm... Spock? Are you feeling ok?

Spock: Chocolate chip pancake mixture is yummy...

Bones: But there aren't any chocolate chips in this pancake mixture!

Molly: That's because he's eaten them all.

All: Oh dear...

* * *

**Kat: ...**

**Elinor: ...  
**

**Immy: ...  
**

**Wilfred: ...  
**

**Molly: :D *smacked on back of head again* Best voice everrrr! *passes out*  
**

**Wilfred: Can I go back to stealing Spock now?  
**

**Kat: Never! He is mine!  
**

**Immy: Mine!  
**

**Spock: Last time I checked, I didn't belong to anyone.  
**

**Kat: Nope you're mine, definitely mine. *glomps Spock. He deflates, turns out it was just a giant balloon with a grumpy face drawn on it in sharpie.* What?  
**

**Immy: *running off into the distance carrying the real Spock.* I am the best ninja!  
**

**Kat+Wilfred: Oh no! *reaction shots*  
**

***Cue ending credits. FOR NOW!*  
**


End file.
